First Love Never Dies
by Raniatlw
Summary: Complete. Alanna and Jonathan come to terms with their decision to be apart. Please R&R! Chapter 21 new! AJ angst.
1. Chapter 1: History

**A/N:** Hi. This is my first fic for Tamora Pierce's books. I've only read the Song of the Lioness series. So this story takes place after the last book. I plan on reading the next series; I think it's called the Immortals. So I might incorporate some of that later. Or I might not. We'll see. Anyways I hope you like this first chapter. Please R&R!

**Chapter 1: History.**

"I hope this is to your liking, my lady," the girl spoke, gesturing to the tent.

"It's fine. Thank you Laila," Alanna of Trebond and Olau told the young girl.

The girl left the tent with promise of bringing her something to drink. And Alanna sat down on the pillows that were sitting in one corner of the tent.

So here she was, back with the Bazhir tribe that had adopted her as one of them so many years ago, The Bloody Hawk.

Sir Alanna of Trebond and Olau was also now known as the Baroness of Pirate Swoop, or informally as Mrs. George Cooper. It had been many years since she had finally defeated Roger, 5 to be exact. And in those years she had married George and had had three lovely children, Thom, the oldest who was now three and twins, a boy and a girl, who were 2 years old. Thom had Alanna's violet eyes and his mothers copper red hair. Alan and Ailianne, the twins, looked like a mix of their parents.

Alanna's life was not the only one that changed. Jonathan had married Thayet in the same year Alanna had married George. A year later Jonathan had their first son, now 4 years old, and named him Roald after Jonathan's own father. A year after that they had their first daughter, Kalasin (named after Thayet's mother) and a year after that they had their second son, now 3 years old, and they named him William, but called him Liam for short. To Alanna they seemed happy enough and that made Alanna happy.

Alanna and Jonathan were not the only ones to happily engage in matrimony. Rispah and Corum had wed and now occupied Trebond. Myles and Eleni also joined together and enjoyed visiting their grandchildren almost everyday. Even Raoul had married, someone quite unexpected, Buri. After much coaxing and courting on his part. The only one to remain unmarried thus far was Gary.

So what was she doing here when she wanted nothing else but to be with her children, George and all her friends? Halef-Seif had asked her to come that was why. For what, she wasn't sure. She supposed she'd find out soon enough. She had arrived at nightfall and most everyone was resting. So Halef-Seif's query had to remain till morning.

* * *

Well that's it for now. It's short now, but the chapter will get longer as I go along. Next update will be soon.

**Next chapter**: Enter Jonathan.

Please let me know what you think.

Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2: Meetings

A/N: Hi again! Now once again I just want to say I haven't read anything past the Song of The Lioness Series, so if things are off it's because I haven't read The Immortals yet. I have the first book Wild magic. But right now it's sitting in my backpack waiting to be read, because of schoolwork. I just want to say thanks for all the great reviews. And please R&R! Thanks.  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Tamora Pierce, I'm just borrowing them for a bit!  
  
Chapter 2: Meetings  
  
The next morning Alanna awoke before dawn as she usually did. She quickly dressed in her usual men's clothing and then she stepped outside to practice her Shang techniques. Another Shang warrior had visited the Tortall castles and Alanna had wasted no time seeking him out and learning all that she could.  
  
When she was finished practicing her kicks and punches she wiped the sweat that dripped off her face and turned around to enter her tent to wash up. But she found that the entrance was blocked.  
  
There stood Jonathan, arms crossed over his chest, watching Alanna intently. For some reason Alanna's cheeks reddened at his intense gaze, a feeling she had not felt since she was a teenager. Her eyes met his sapphire ones and they locked on each other for a few moments until Alanna found the willpower to pull her gaze from his.  
  
_Great Goddess, what is the matter with me?_ She thought.  
  
"Jon, what are you doing here? I thought you were off to Tusaine to negotiate?" she asked when she found her voice.  
  
"You're still as good as you were when you were 20, probably even better, now," Jon replied, ignoring her questions.  
  
She walked over to him, grabbed his arm and pulled him into her tent.  
  
"Jonathan is there something wrong at home?" she asked him. She was worried, but she thought she would have sensed something if something really wasn't right.  
  
She stood in front of him searching his face for any sign of what was going on until Jonathan grabbed both of her arms and said, "Oh no Alanna, everything is fine."  
  
She lightly slapped his arm and snapped, "Then why are you trying to scare me?"  
  
"Forgive me Alanna. I was only lost in thought. There are so many memories of us here together. I couldn't help but remember them," he said wistfully.  
  
Her cheeks turned a deep crimson at the memories and she wondered, _What is he implying? And what is he doing here?  
_  
She turned to pour them some drinks to hide her cheeks and then handed one to Jonathan quickly.  
  
"So My King, what brings you here?" she asked, after she had composed herself.  
  
"I'm not sure. Halef-Seif sent for me and I'm awaiting a visit with him," Jonathan replied, taking a sip from his drink, never taking his eyes off her.  
  
It took a moment for her to digest what he had said because of his unsettling gaze. "Really? Halef-Seif asked me to come as well and I have no idea what for either. Though, it's good to come back for a visit. I haven't seen Kara or Kourren in ages."  
  
"I know what you mean. This place is like a second home to me. And its' good to leave the castle once and a while. Life there is getting a bit hectic," he confessed.  
  
She didn't know what made her say it, but she asked anyways, "Everything is all right between you and Thayet, isn't it?"  
  
He hesitated for a second, staring down into his drink, then he looked up at her a strained smile, probably fake, plastered on his face, "Everything is fine."  
  
Alanna always knew when he was lying and plainly this was one of them. But she felt that this was not the time to call him on it. And that he would tell her in his own time.  
  
An awkward silence settled between the two and they both struggled to find something to say to break it.  
  
"Well I'm going to see if Halef-Seif is up yet," Jonathan said quickly.  
  
"All right. I'm going to get cleaned up and then I'll follow in a bit," Alanna replied, relieved that he was leaving at the moment.  
  
He quickly left and Alanna stood there for a moment wondering what was wrong with them.

AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaA

Well that's it for now. I'll try to update by next Friday. I hope you liked it.  
  
Reviews:  
  
Mango Sam: I'm glad you liked it. And I hope Jon's entrance was to your liking.  
  
Snowman1400: Yeah I hope so too. I like George a lot. But I always thought that she should have ended up with Jon.  
  
Anonymous Miss: Maybe, maybe not you'll just have to see what happens next. : )  
  
Tindomiel-PA: I'm not sure how I guessed those. I guess they were just lucky guesses. Yeah I know the first chapter wasn't the greatest. It was more of a prologue. I have trouble writing the first chapter. But once I start I think I get better. I hope this chapter was better.  
  
Levaire, Queen's Own, and Trenidy: Yeah I know I got some info wrong. But, again, that's because I haven't read the other books. What do you think? Do you think I should go back and change the details now that you guys have so kindly informed me. Or do you think I should just leave it and go a long, since the kids aren't going to be a big factor in this story? Your choice. And thanks for the reviews guys!  
  
And thanks for the reviews, Maria, intrigued, and kitsune rose.  
  
Anyways Thanks for reading.  
  
I'll update soon.


	3. Chapter 3: Details and a Moment

**A/N**: Here's the next chapter. I hope you like it.  
  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own these characters, Tamora Pierce does.  
  
**Chapter 3 Details and a moment:**  
  
"Thank you for both coming," Halef-Seif said to both Alanna and Jonathan who were both sitting comfortably in Halef's tent.  
  
"We're always happy to come for a visit," Jonathan said to him, "Though, I don't think that's all we're here for."  
  
"We wish you were here just for visiting purposes but there is a pressing matter that only you two can attend to," he said to them.  
  
"And that is?" Alanna spoke up.  
  
"Well it isn't very complicated, but it requires the Voice of the Tribes, King Jonathan and the most powerful shaman we have and that is you," Halef Seif told them.  
  
"But I'm not the most powerful. There are plenty of people who are more powerful in the Gift than I," Alanna replied, thinking of Numair as one of them.  
  
"Yes. But how many of them were officially adopted into a Bazhir tribe?" he asked, "Only you."  
  
"Ok, so what needs to be done?" Jonathan asked.  
  
"You've read and know about our history," Halef said to Jonathan.  
  
"Of course I have. I am the Voice," he replied.  
  
"Well then you know of the Sundown Ritual?" he asked.  
  
"Yes, where every Voice of the Tribes must go into the desert and stay for three days until sunset on the third day. It's supposed to preserve the prosperity and survival of all Bazhir tribes. But I thought it wasn't conducted anymore. That it was just a superstition.?" He said.  
  
"No, of course not. It is still a tradition among the Bazhir. Every Voice has done it including Ali Mukhtab. As must you," Halef told him.  
  
"So what does this have to do with me?" Alanna asked.  
  
"During the ritual the Voice will become weakened. During this state he will be vulnerable to anything. He will need a protector," Halef replied.  
  
"And that would be me," Alanna stated.  
  
"Naturally, as well as being a powerful shaman, you are skilled in the fighting arts and you are, after all, the King's Champion," Halef Seif told her.  
  
She looked at both of them and said, "Well when does this ritual have to happen?"  
  
"In a weeks time," Halef-Seif said, "The details will come as the days pass and you will know what to do, Alanna. For now go and enjoy breakfast and we will talk later," he dismissed them and they left the tent together.  
  
They headed to the area where people were already sharing breakfast. They each took the plates that were offered to them and then they sat a little away from the group, far enough so they could speak without being heard.  
  
"So you know of this ritual, tell me, is it dangerous?" she asked eagerly.  
  
He laughed at her eagerness while admiring the twinkle in her eyes, "Not usually,' he said, and at her childlike disappointment he lifted her chin with one hand and said, "Smile. When have you known anything to be simple for us?"  
  
She smiled at him, but his words had a different meaning for her. She instantly remembered a time when they could be together easily, not caring about what other people might think of them together, or if they would marry or not. But because things were not as simple as they had thought when they were younger, things went much differently then they thought they would.  
  
She was married to George, who she remembered had never complicated anything in her life to the extreme. Things were simple with George. And she found herself longing for the complexity of life. Because with complexity came new challenges that waited to be overcome.  
  
Her smile turned to a sad one and Jonathan noticed it immediately.  
  
"Are you all right?" he asked, attentively.  
  
"Yes. I was just thinking about George," she replied.  
  
"Well don't you worry. We'll be done in no time and you can go straight home," he said, plastering on a fake smile, because for some reason it had hurt him that she was thinking about George while they were alone together.  
  
He patted her arm and stood up to leave.  
  
Before he was out of hearing distance she called out, "Jonathan," he turned to look at her, "I really am glad to be here. I hope you know that."  
  
She didn't know why she said it, but it was probably because of the genuine bright smile she knew he would give her before he turned back to leave.

* * *

I hope you all like it! Sorry for taking forever to update. I've been busy with school.  
  
Anyways thanks everyone for reviewing.  
  
And please review this chapter and let me know what you think.  
  
Thanks! 


	4. Chapter 4: Old Friends

**A/N:** Hi everyone. Sorry for the long wait. Here's the next chapter!  
  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of these characters.  
  
**Chapter 4: Old Friends.  
**  
"It is so good to have you back here with us," Karra exclaimed to Alanna.  
  
"Yes it has been too long," Kourrem added, as she poured Alanna some tea.  
  
"I'm so sorry for not visiting sooner, but my life has been very hectic," Alanna told them.  
  
"Oh yes we know. So tell us, how is the Baron?" Kourrem asked with a slight smile on her face.  
  
"Yes, how is George?" Karra asked with a grin on her own face.  
  
"George is fine," Alanna told them returning the smile, "He's at home at the moment, taking care of the kids."  
  
"We still can't believe that you got married and had children," Kourrem said in awe.  
  
"Why ever not?" Alanna asked, a little bewildered.  
  
"We seem to recall you being somewhat reluctant to admit that you had admirers," Karra explained.  
  
"And even when we thought of you marrying, we thought of you as the future Queen," Kourrem told her.  
  
Alanna paled, this was not a subject that she liked to discuss.  
  
"Thayet is a great Queen," Alanna said adamantly.  
  
"Oh we know that," Karra quickly amended.  
  
"It's just that when we saw you and the King together all those years ago you seemed so in love," Kourrem explained what she had meant.  
  
"Well sometimes love just isn't enough," she told them.  
  
The conversation was too much for her. It was bringing back too many memories, both good and bad. It also brought back her last memory of her and Jonathan together in the Bazhir village. The time they had fought about whether she was going back with him or not. Which quickly turned into an argument about marriage. She had wondered back then if she had overreacted and been too hasty. She wondered that now too.  
  
"Could I have been Queen and had Jon to myself, to love," she wondered, "What am I thinking? Snap out of it! If that happened I wouldn't have George or my wonderful children!"  
  
But still an image of Jon's handsome face popped into her mind.  
  
"Enough about me. When am I going to meet these husbands of yours?" Alanna asked, abruptly changing the subject.  
  
"Oh they're not in the village right now. At the moment they are in a neighboring village on business," Kourrem told her.  
  
"Oh really what do they-"Alanna started to ask.  
  
"Alanna are you in there?" Jon's voice came from outside the tent.  
  
"You may come in, King Jonathan," Karra called out.  
  
He came in looking a little embarrassed for barging in so rudely.  
  
"I'm sorry for barging in like this," he said to the women.  
  
"It's quite all right, your highness," Kourrem said to him kindly.  
  
They all looked at him waiting for him to say what he wanted.  
  
"Jon what is it?" Alanna asked impatiently.  
  
"Can I talk to you?" he asked quickly.  
  
"Sure," she replied, looking concerned, "Excuse me ladies. I'll see you two later."  
  
Then she stepped out of the tent with Jon.

* * *

Well that was it. Sort of a short little filler chapter. More to come soon. Let me know if I spelled any of the names wrong. At the moment I don't have the books, so I can't check.  
  
Thanks to my two reviewers Mango Sam and eridani.  
  
Please review and let me know what you think!  
  
Thanks! 


	5. Chapter 5: Implications

**A/N:** Hi. Sorry for the wait again. I finally caught up in the books. I just read Trickster's Choice and am patiently waiting for Trickster's Queen. One thing I found weird in the books is that Jonathan is supposed to be Alanna's best friend but she keeps calling him Your Highness. What's up with that? Anyways here's the next chapter! Please R&R!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters.

**Chapter 5: Implications:**

They walked in silence and entered Jon's own tent. They each sat down and Alanna waited impatiently for him to speak.

"What is it? What's wrong Jon?" she asked, concernedly.

"Oh nothing," he said, rather cheerfully. "I was quite bored and needed someone to talk to."

Alanna's temper flared very quickly, "Of all the selfish, spoiled things you could do..." she trailed off. But even through her anger, she quickly noticed that even though he was grinning, it did not reach his sapphire blue eyes.

"What's wrong?" she demanded. "I know something's wrong. I can see it in your eyes."

He sighed and then said, "You always knew me too well."

She stared at him and patiently waited for him to spit it out.

"We have a guest at the palace." Jon told her; when she looked on quizzically, he continued, "An old friend of Thayet's from her past."

"So? Thayet must be thrilled to see an old friend," Alanna replied, happy for her friend and Queen, but also wondering why Jonathan didn't seem pleased.

"An old 'male' friend," he added, trying to get his point across.

Alanna laughed at her best friend, "Surely you don't think anything is going on between them?" When she saw the look on his face, she added. "You do? But why? Thayet has given you everything. She loves you. How could you even think this?"

"Because this man was her first love," he said bitterly. "They were to be married, but one day he disappeared. She thought he had died. But he's back."

Alanna fought to figure out what this could mean. But she came up with no answer.

"Even if they loved each other once doesn't mean she's cheating on you," she scolded, trying to knock some sense into him.

"I don't have direct evidence. But she goes off and disappears during the day. I hardly see her anymore. She's off with her riders a lot too, supposedly," he said, and then paused, "And I also know that the feelings of a first love never go away."

She looked up into his eyes and couldn't take them away. His gaze and words told her one thing, the love he felt for her had never went away and it would always be with him.

What about her? She knew she'd always love him, but how much? And what about George?

"Alanna I-"Jon started.

"George!" she blurted out. "Um... I have to go write to George and the children." And then she quickly fled the tent before she could hear what he had to say.

Jon just stood there, staring at the spot where she had just stood.

* * *

Well there it is. I hope you like it.

And can anyone tell me where Thayet is from??

Thanks.

Thanks to my two reviewers! You guys are awesome.

I'll try to update soon.

Bye!


	6. Chapter 6: Denial

**A/N:** I'm really sorry for not updating sooner. It's just that I've had some major writers block with this story. And it's funny, because I'm getting the most reviews with this story, so I should be more encouraged. So I'm really trying my hardest to get this one going. And I hope you'll like this chapter. Please R&R!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of these characters. They all belong to Tamora Pierce.

**Chapter 6: Denial:**

"So this is where we'll be staying?" Alanna asked Halef-Seif.

"Yes. You will spend your 3 days in this temple," he told her. "Which begin this morning."

"All right," Alanna replied, none too happy about spending three days alone with Jonathan. "We better go in."

They had barely spoken a word to each other since the day he had told her about Thayet. And every time they were around each other one or the other would have some sort of mishap due to their nervousness.

And now they had to spend three long days alone. True, Jonathan would be meditating for the whole day and would only be free to speak to her when the sun set, but still, there's a lot of things that could be said from sunset until bedtime.

"Let's go," Jonathan agreed. They got off their horses and gave the reins to the accompanying guard.

They would be left there without horses and only food and water. Nothing else. No other distractions.

"Oh Goddess I'm going to go insane," Alanna thought.

They climbed up the steps to the entrance of the temple and waved at their escort. The escort promptly rode away. And Alanna couldn't help feel the finality of her situation.

"What do you do first?" Alanna asked, watching Jonathan watch the riders ride away.

"I um… must cleanse myself first in the ceremonial bath then I will begin the ritual meditating."

Alanna panicked at his mention of bath. She was a little apprehensive of having to stand guard while he was naked.

"Oh this is going to be a long three days," she couldn't help but thinking.

* * *

Alanna leaned against the entranceway, watching their surrounding area, while Jonathan was splashing around in the bath, which just happened to be right behind her.

It took every ounce of strength to drown out the splashing sounds. And every time he made a sudden movement, causing a bigger splash, she had the biggest urge to turn around and check on him.

She had nothing really to keep her mind off of it; they weren't allowed to bring anything but the clothes on their backs and some nourishment. And she couldn't talk to Jonathan since the ritual had officially begun. "Which is probably a good thing," she thought. "I don't need to hear his voice as well. It will only make me think of what he's doing more."

She was brought out of her thoughts when she heard him getting out of the water. She almost spun around, thinking of asking if he needed anything. But stopped herself instantly.

Once she was sure he was clothed she turned to see what he was doing. He was walking up to an alter where he sat down and closed his eyes. And that was it.

She decided to take a walk around the temple to make sure everything was safe. Even though not many people knew that the ritual was taking place at this time there was still need for caution. Jonathan was both King of Tortall and also the Voice of the Bazhir tribes, a friend to many, and much too important to lose.

As she looked around her surroundings she couldn't help think of what her life would be like if she lost Jonathan. "Not too good," she told herself. "He's my best friend and…"

She didn't let herself finish her next thought.

She blanked her mind of all thoughts of Jonathan and instead replaced them with the happy memories she had with George, her husband. The day she had had Thom, for instance. Alanna remembered she had wanted to kill George as she went through the painful experience. But at the end of it she was very happy. And George was there by her side. He loved her so much and he didn't deserve anything but her love entirely. So why did she feel this way, like part of her heart was with someone else.

"With Jon," Alanna whispered.

She walked back into the temple and watched Jonathan for a couple of moments before resuming her stance at the entryway.

"Maybe it's just because of what he said about Thayet. About first loves," she thought as she gazed at the sun still high up in the sky. "Yes that's it. It just brought back old memories, old feelings. All old. None of them are what I feel now."

Alanna walked down a couple steps as she continued to watch her surroundings. Denying the fact that she was in denial.

* * *

Well that's it, for now. Sorry it's so short. I really wanted to post something. And I hope this is better than nothing. I really have to get this story together, I know how it starts and how it will end, it's the stuff in between that's giving me some trouble. So I hope you'll bear with me as I figure it all out.

Thanks.

**Reviews:**

Eridani: I understand what you're saying. I didn't realize I was writing that. It just came out. I'll try my hardest not to do it as much. Thanks for the review!

Insanechild: Definitely going to be a lot of awkward silences, you're right. Especially now that Alanna's confused about her feelings. Thanks for reviewing.

Whimsical Firefly: Thanks so much for telling me where Thayet's from. It's been bugging me for a while and I didn't have the books to check. Maybe you're right about the whole Your Highness thing. But it still bugs me. I understand she'd have to call him that in public, but when they're alone she should call him by his name. He's her best friend after all. And I was really disappointed when she ended up with George. I mean I loved George but I thought Alanna and Jonathan were better together. Oh well, I still love all Tamora Pierce's books anyways. Thanks for reviewing!

And thanks to everyone else who reviewed. They really do encourage me to write even if it doesn't show. Please keep them coming! Thanks!


	7. Chapter 7: Stubborn

**A/N:** Ok, so I actually sat down and planned some of this story out. For an hour or two I got rid of the writers block and I came up with this chapter. It's not too long, but it is much longer than my other chapters. I hope you like it. Please RR!

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Tamora Pierce.

**Chapter 7: Stubborn:**

'Oh Goddess!' Jonathan thought. His eyes were closed, but he could tell Alanna had just stepped out of the temple. 'I never meant to make such a mess of things.'

He let out a sigh and relaxed his tense body, 'All right, relax clear your head. You must! The ritual must begin now!' Just as he let all thoughts flutter away, clearing his mind, one thought fluttered right back in. 'Alanna.'

Now thoroughly frustrated, he let out a groan. 'All right, come sunset I'll talk to Alanna and make things right.' With that, he was now ready to start the ritual; he spoke the words in Bazhir to begin and instantly felt the drain on his physical being.

Apparently to create the prosperity for the tribes it took the energy of the Voice to ensure.

* * *

Alanna stepped back up the stairs and into the temple. She saw Jonathan already slumped down in his position and had the urge to go over there and hold him up, let him lean against her. But she wasn't to disturb him; that was the rule.

'Great, now I want to hold him. What's next?' she thought, disgusted with herself. She turned back to the entrance. 'Oh well, nothing to do but keep watch.'

* * *

"Here you go," Alanna said, passing Jonathan a plate with food she'd prepared herself.

"Thanks," he replied gratefully. He began eating right away; besides leaving him drained, the ritual also had left him starving.

Alanna watched him while he ate; he looked like he had just come from a battle and lost. She didn't like seeing him like this. If one day left him with dark circles under his bloodshot eyes what would two more do to him?

"How are you feeling?" she asked gingerly. He leaned forward to grab a drink and grimaced.

"Other than I can't light a simple fire with my gift, I'm actually fine," he told her. He took a sip and put the cup back down; he hid his discomfort as best he could. Any movement seemed to cause pain.

"You can't hide it, you know." Jonathan looked up and caught the worried look in her eyes.

He smiled at her. "I'm fine."

"No you're not. And now you're breaking out into a sweat," she chided. Quickly she dipped a cloth into a bowl of water and walked over to him while he watched her every move. "Here," she said and began to gently sponge his face. He held his breath while she continued her ministrations. "Better?" she whispered.

He couldn't speak and just nodded his head as he took a big gulp of air.

"Are you sure _you_ have to do this?" she asked worriedly. "Couldn't someone else do this instead?"

He caught her hand stopping her actions. "Alanna, would you turn over your responsibilities to someone else if you encountered a battle too tough?"

"Of course not!" she answered immediately. She pulled her hand from his and continued to fuss over him.

He shook his head. "Then don't expect it of me either."

"Fine! Kill yourself, see if I care," she said angrily.

He took her hand once again forcing her to drop the cloth. Alanna stared straight at him but she could feel his thumb rubbing circles across her palm. "Dear sweet Alanna," he began. He was looking at her so intensely that she could feel herself starting to blush.

Alanna pulled away quickly, she had no idea what he would do next, so she put distance between them and went back to her food.

"You better finish your food and get some rest. Since you stubbornly insist to continue this insane ritual," she said disdainfully.

He chuckled. "This coming from someone the word '_stubborn_' was invented for."

She laughed with him and she could feel the tenseness of the moment before ease away. And they both left the feelings they had felt earlier aside and spent the rest of the night as the good friends they'd been forever.

* * *

Alanna awoke abruptly to scuffling noises right outside the temple. She stood up quickly and made sure Jonathan was all right. Once she confirmed he was sound asleep, she crept slowly towards the temple entrance. As she approached she could see it was still dark outside, perhaps only a few hours until dawn. As Alanna reached the top of the stairs she pulled out her faithful sword and held it out in front of her.

She descended the steps looking right and left, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. And then she heard it again, coming from her right. Alanna went down the last two steps and headed towards the noise. It wasn't loud, and it was a wonder she could hear it from inside.

Now she could clearly see something moving behind a desert bush. The noise became more distinct the closer she got.

Finally she reached the bush and was ready to attack but nothing came at her.

"One, two…three,' she whispered, abruptly pulling back the bush and thrusting the sword.

She didn't find an enemy there waiting for her. Instead she found desert mice, newly born settled against their mother.

Alanna let out the breath she didn't know she'd been holding in and straightened up. She heard a chuckle from behind her and spun around rapidly to defend herself against the intruder.

"Whoa!" Jonathan held his arms up.

"Jon, what are you doing out here?" she asked, exasperated.

"Watch out! Don't turn your back on them they might gnaw you to death," Jonathan joked.

"Very funny," she said, dryly. She turned away from him and started walking back to the temple. "Try to protect someone and you get made fun of," she mumbled.

"Hey! Wait up, don't leave me alone with the mice," Jonathan cried out mockingly.

Alanna quickened her pace when she heard his laughter. She reached the top of the stairs and waited for '_his highness_' to catch up.

"Looks like someone's feeling better," she stated wryly.

"Oh come on, it was funny," he said.

"No it wasn't," she argued.

"Yes it was. The way you slowly stalked your prey and then thrust swiftly, only to find some poor baby mice," he laughed at her.

The way he put it, it was kind of funny and she soon found herself joining in his laughter despite her irritation.

Laughing together, enjoying each others company, suddenly made her feel like she was a young girl again, back when they were together. And she knew Jonathan was thinking the same way, as she stared into his laughing sapphire eyes, the ones that always held so much emotion. And right now they were expressing- She didn't let herself acknowledge what they were expressing.

She turned abruptly and their laughter died away just as quickly. Now a palpable silence settled between them.

"Get some sleep. You've got a few hours before you need to get up," she said; her voice almost sounded cold, when she was only trying to sound indifferent. She settled against her own bedroll, her back to him.

Alanna heard him let out a long sigh and then noises of him ruffling about. Alanna thought he was settling down against his own bedroll. She was wrong.

"Alanna," she heard whispered from directly behind her. And with the one utterance of her name she felt her heart instantly quicken in her chest.

Slowly she turned around and she saw him there, kneeling next to her. She pulled herself up so she was level with him. He watched every move intensely, as if he were a hawk and she a mouse.

"Jonathan-" she began, but he cut her off.

His lips pressed against hers softly at first, waiting for her reaction. When he felt her press back, he wrapped her in his arms and moved his mouth against hers. She eagerly mimicked his movements and soon the kiss deepened, to something more, something that was dangerous.

Alanna wanted this. She wanted it badly. And yet she knew it was wrong, very wrong.

She placed both hands on his chest and pushed him away with all the force she could muster. He fell backwards and he had to catch himself to hold him up.

Their lips now free, Alanna spoke up, "Jonathan…I can't."

He saw the pain there in her violet eyes and was pained to know that he caused it. Instead of making things better, like he wanted to, he was now sure he had made the situation a whole lot worse. And yet even though he knew it was wrong, the kiss they had just shared couldn't have felt more right. And he didn't want to regret it.

As he turned back to his bed he wished that she didn't regret it as well but for the sake of George, Thayet and all their children he knew it was a wish he had no right hoping for.

* * *

I hoped you guys enjoyed that. Three pages hand written and five typed up, much longer than my other chapters. After this chapter I think this story will be picking up and actually go somewhere.

I'll update soon, hopefully within the month.

Please review and let me know what you think.

Thanks.


	8. Chapter 8: Easier Said Than Done

**A/N:** Hi. Sorry about the wait. I have no good explanation for why I haven't updated. So I won't bother with excuses. I just hope you enjoy this chapter. Please R&R! Thanks.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Alanna or any of these characters. They all belong to Tamora Pierce.

**Chapter 8: Easier Said Then Done**

'One down, two more to go,' Jonathan thought as he took up his spot at the altar. Sitting down, he thought once more of what had occurred up to this very moment.

After the kiss, the two of them promptly turned their backs to each other and went to sleep not saying one more word to each other. Then this morning he had awoken at dawn to find Alanna already up and about. She was outside scouting the area. He hadn't a chance to say a word to her.

'And now I must begin the ritual,' he said, frustrated. 'Putting off my feelings until later.'

After the energy-draining event yesterday, he actually dreaded when it would be over tonight. That meant he'd have to talk to Alanna.

Putting all the unwelcome thoughts aside, he once again spoke the Bazhir words to begin the ritual.

* * *

**00008000**

* * *

Alanna walked around the temple briskly, she had already made a round about it twice. She had resolved herself to awaken before Jonathan that morning. She knew she was avoiding him. She had good reason to.

Last night he had complicated things. Complicated them very badly. By acting on their hidden feelings they were betraying the two people that they had sworn to the Gods that they would love for the rest of their lives. It was wrong, what they did.

'But why did it feel so right?' Alanna thought, angrily. 'I chose my life. I could have been Queen if I wanted to. But I chose George instead. What am I doing now?'

But as she rounded the temple back to its entrance she realized something. 'Was it really my choice or was it because Jonathan had just assumed I'd marry him. Did I choose George just to prove Jon wrong?'

It wasn't a thought she even wanted to consider, as she took the stairs two at a time up to the temple. It would be too cruel to George if that were the case.

'No… I love George. I know I do. But Jon…. No, it's just because we're in the desert alone together, like old times. That's it,' she denied, shaking her head almost violently.

Coming to the top of the stairs she saw Jonathan and the minute she laid eyes on him her heart began to race. She couldn't deny the way her body reacted to him, that's for sure. But she could preserve both their honors by denying her feelings for him. He was the King of Tortall and she the King's Champion; they had no business in doing what they were doing. And they owed it to both their families to stop anything before it started.

'That's that,' she thought adamantly. 'No more of this nonsense.'

But glancing at Jonathan one more time, she knew it was easier said then done.

**

* * *

**

**000080000**

* * *

As soon as the sun went down Jonathan abruptly came out of his trance. Snapping his eyes open he took in his surroundings, looking for one thing, one person in particular. Alanna.

There she was sitting by the fire she had made in the fire pit, cooking some kind of food over the fire. Realizing that she was being watched she looked at him, her gaze wary.

He stood up to approach her, but toppled back down. The ritual had left him more drained then the night before.

Alanna stood up and walked towards him. "Here, let me help you."

She put a comforting arm around his shoulders and helped him up. They made their way towards the fire.

Sitting down Alanna asked, "How do you feel?" She didn't look at him, but only stared into the fire, watching the food cook.

"Fine. I'm tired, a little more then yesterday. But I'm fine," he reassured her, watching her intently he noticed her avoidance readily.

"Good, good," she murmured absently.

He waited a second, contemplating on whether to broach the particular subject he had on his mind or not. Finally he decided to speak, knowing that if there was to be any amount of normalcy between them he'd have to resolve things.

"Alanna we need to talk," he started.

"Oh look. The food is done," she said, in an overly cheerful tone. She pulled out the sticks of meat from the fire, thrusting a dripping stick in front of her King. "Eat it quickly, you don't want it to get cold."

He frowned at her obvious change of subject, but took the offered food from her. Alanna started to eat and he did the same. Just like yesterday, he was ravenous. For now he would leave the topic untouched but once their dinner was done, he'd bring it up.

Jonathan finished his food quickly. He was ready to talk to her, but as he glanced at Alanna he noticed that she was taking an unusual amount of time finishing her small dinner, too long actually.

'If she thinks I'll be too tired to talk when she's done, she's got another thing coming,' he thought. He fully intended on waiting for her to finish eating. He would stay up all night if he had to, he resolved.

Finally when she had set aside the remains of her meal Jonathan was all set to start the conversation.

"I must scout the area before we sleep," she told him abruptly. "Your highness."

Jonathan stared at her, shocked. "Well then, I'll come with you."

"No," she said hastily. "It is too dangerous for you to be out in the open."

Then she exited the temple swiftly, not giving him a single chance to argue.

"'Your Highness', what is this nonsense?" he said out loud, hoping for an answer and not getting one.

'Fine, if that's the way your going to be, I'll be waiting right here for you when you come back,' he thought, thoroughly annoyed.

Too bad he was so tired that he fell asleep before she had returned.

**

* * *

**

**o8o8o8o8o**

* * *

Well that's it. Another short chapter, sorry. But I hope you enjoyed it.

**Reviews:**

Weird: Too honorable? I see. But they're also young. And things happen, whether you're the King or not. This takes place about 5 years after the last Alanna book. I really think the couple had some unresolved feelings for each other. This is my take on how it would go. Thanks for the review.

Sapphire Sprite: Humor? I'll try. Thanks for the review.

Jamie lynn: Sorry about the wait. Thanks for the review. I hope you liked this one too.

Lady Emmi: Thanks for the great review. I'm glad your reading it despite the AJ pairing.

Yelene-rydream: I like George too. But I think Alanna should have ended up with Jonathan too. Thanks for the review.

Eridani: I'm trying my hardest to make this pairing work, as well as making what happens believable. I hope I'm doing the job. Thanks for the review. I really hope I'm getting somewhere with this thing too. I already have the next chapter planned out in my head. Now I've just got to get it down on paper.

LastConsience: Thanks for reviewing every single chapter. That was very nice of you. I hope you liked this one too.

Lionessjon: Interesting point of view. But isn't Gary married too? Thanks for the review!

And thanks to everyone else who reviewed!

I'll try to update really soon. But I won't make any promises.

Please Review, thanks!


	9. Chapter 9: No more Denial

**A/N**: I just got a new fulltime job so updates may be a tiny bit slower than before. I know you're thinking 'how can they possibly get any slower?' Well they may. Sorry about that. But I'll still try my hardest to update. Unfortunately this chapter is really short too. Sorry again. But I still hope you'll enjoy. And R&R! Thanks.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of these characters; they all belong to Tamora Pierce.

**Chapter 9: No More Denail:**

"I am quite disappointed," Alanna said to Halef Seif.

"Why is that?" he asked her, indulgently.

Alanna and Jonathan had finished the last day of the ritual the day before and were now back in the village surrounded by well-wishers.

"My skills were not required at all," Alanna huffed. "Not a single thing did I point my sword at."

"Not true," Jonathan spoke up. "You did scare those mice half to death."

Laughter rose up all around. Everyone seemed to be very happy. The air was light with new hope for the future.

"To the peace and prosperity of all Bazhir and of course to Tortall," Halef Seif toasted rather loudly.

Murmured replies echoed through the air as everyone drank greedily from their ale.

Alanna stood up, ready to leave. "Where are you going, King's Champion?" she heard shouted from some random man.

"To bed of course. It's late and I've been waking at dawn for the past three days," Alanna answered. "Please continue with the celebrations. Good night."

Alanna walked away from the gathered group. Though everyone seemed to be in a good mood, she was not. She had no reason to be, considering her current dilemma: Jonathan vs. George. Either way she looked at it, it was still a lose-lose situation.

Either she chose George, and continued to be the semi-respectable woman she was, losing Jonathan. Or she chose Jonathan, regaining the sense of unpredictability and challenge in her life that she craved, while losing all respect from her friends and family.

But really she wasn't at the point of making this decision. So far all the information she had pointed to Jonathan still finding her attractive and she him. There was no talk of leaving anyone. So she relaxed a little.

But still, her current problem was that she was avoiding Jonathan altogether. Since the second night of the ritual, she had barely said two words to him more than necessary. And every time she knew he was going to bring up the dreaded topic she squashed his attempts quickly by changing the subject.

Alanna let out a long suffering sigh as she drew back the tents opening flap. As she was about to enter a hand clamped down on her shoulder and whirled her around.

She let out a very un-knightly "Ah!" at the sudden intrusion. But at the sight of Jonathan, she let herself relax, but only a little. "Jon, what are you doing?"

He pushed her into the tent as she protested, "Hey!"

Once inside the darkened tent, Jonathan came to stand directly in front of her. Even though it was dark in there, Alanna could still see his sapphire blue eyes boring down at her with such intensity.

"I need to talk with you and I'm tired of waiting for you to be ready to listen. So now I _am_ going to speak and you _are_ going to listen," Jonathan ordered.

"You can't tell me-" Jonathan quickly cut her off with his hand on her mouth. She glared at him in return.

"Just listen, all right," he told her firmly but gently. When her expression softened a little, he let his hand drop from her mouth. "Good… You were my best friend first and you still are my best friend. But I also fell in love with you once. And you loved me as well. I thought that love was gone; I thought I found something similar with Thayet. But what I feel for her is only a shadow of what I felt for you, what I still feel for you, Alanna."

"Jonathan, please don't," Alanna pleaded.

He placed a finger to her lips to silence her. "I still love you, Alanna, very much. And I dare you to say that you don't love me too."

Alanna looked at him in disbelief. Apparently the decision she thought she wouldn't have to make was being asked to be resolved at that very moment.

"I…I, I love George," she replied stubbornly.

Jonathan grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her lightly. "That's not what I was asking you to say. I see it in your eyes, I have my answer already. I just want to hear the words!"

"Jonathan, please…there's nothing we can do. We're married now, we're not children anymore," she pleaded again.

"Say it Alanna, tell me," he begged in return.

"All right!" she yelled. Then more quietly, "I love you. You were my first love. And I never stopped loving you."

She wasn't accustomed to tears, and yet she could feel hot tears well up in her eyes. She slumped down onto some cushions and put her head in her hands. She refused to let any tears fall. Alanna heard Jonathan settle down next to her, heard his frustrated sigh, and felt the warm arm he threw around her shoulders. They sat there quietly listening to the shouts of celebration a ways from her tent.

"So what are we going to do?" Jonathan uttered quietly.

Alanna lifted her head and stared at him incredulously. She wiped furiously at a single tear that escaped its confines. "You're asking me? You're the one who confronted me. You figure it out!"

Then he spoke some not so comforting words. "I have no idea what we'll do Alanna."

* * *

Well there it is, I hope it was better than nothing. 

**Reviews:**

Piglet 12345: Thanks for letting me know about the Your Highness, your majesty thing. I fixed it. Sorry about the short chapter. But I hope you like it.

Queen-of-sapphires: I know that 5 years is not long enough for Raoul and Buri to get married. But I started writing this even before I started reading the Immortal series. I thought of putting them together out of the blue. Then I read POTS and was a little surprised when they actually did end up together. Well I'm glad you like the story, despite the way I write things.

Lady Knight Maud: As you can see Gary hasn't even made an appearance yet, so I don't think you have to worry about any Alanna/Gary parts. Thanks for the review.

Alenor: Yay, another AJ fan. You're right about not being able to rewrite her books. Even if I don't agree with her putting Alanna with George I still think her books are awesome. But I'm just playing with the characters a bit, that's all. Thanks for the review.

And thanks to everyone else who reviewed: maria, rach14444, Chisakami Saiyuki, Chione, BoredTillDeath, Dom'sAngel, Jamie Lynn, Yen, Fanfiction Fantom, Sapphire Sprite, and shewholovesjon.

Thanks

I'll try to update soon.

Please review!


	10. Chapter 10: Impossible

**A/N:** Hi again. Sorry for the long wait. Here's the next chapter. I hope you like. Please R&R! Thanks!

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Tamora Pierce.

**Chapter 10: Impossible:**

Alanna and Jonathan had started the journey back home early that morning; now, as the sun began setting, they were forced to stop and make camp.

They chose a spot near a small stream and started setting up. It took them no time to set up their bed rolls and to start a fire. Almost as quickly Jonathan had their cold food of bread and cheese out and divided between the two.

They sat there silently, each on either side of the fire, not even looking at each other. They'd both been silent since the night before, when neither of them could figure out what to do with their dredged up feelings.

Alanna glanced up at Jonathan as he clapped his hands together to brush the crumbs away, while clearing his throat.

"Alanna-" Jonathan began, but she cut him off quickly with a hand to his face.

"Have you figured out what we could do?" she asked, almost tersely.

He winced first and then shook his head.

"Then please don't start Jon because I don't want to hear it," Alanna told him firmly.

"But, Alanna I-"

"No Jonathan, do you realize that I made a promise to Thayet? I told her that you were my friend, that's all. I told her that you were all hers and that I would not stand in her way. You want me to break that promise? Is that fair?" she shouted, suddenly angry.

"What about what's fair to me?" he yelled back, his anger ignited by the talk of fairness. "Is it fair that my Queen, my wife, is cheating on me? Is that fair?"

He stood up and stomped over to the streams side.

Alanna watched him; she was taken aback by his rare show of temper. Sighing loudly she approached him, standing directly behind him.

"You still have no proof of that," she told him gently.

He turned to face her; an intensity, a fire burned in his eyes. "I see it there in their eyes. They cannot hide it. Whenever she lays eyes on him, they burn for him in a way that she has never looked at me," he told her vehemently.

"If this is true," Alanna started, drawing back from him a step. "I am sorry. But I will not be with you simply out of revenge."

Suddenly he grabbed her shoulders and shook her fiercely. "Do you think I want you just to spite my wife?"

"Yes," she answered solemnly.

He pulled her to him just as suddenly and hugged her tight. "No Alanna, no," he murmured into her copper hair.

After a second of tensing in his arms she let herself relax and be savored in his arms. Hugging him back, she wanted to believe him and yet it was too hard.

She pulled back from his arms and stared into his eyes, it was plain to see what he felt for her. His sapphire eyes blazed with love, wanting, even lust for her. She suddenly knew that if this was the way Thayet and her lover stared at each other that there certainly was something going on between them.

Alanna let Jonathan's eyes mesmerize her, entrance her. Slowly she leaned back into his arms; the moment she was in his grasp he snatched her close and brought his lips down on hers fiercely. He kissed her passionately, lovingly, tenderly; all were conveyed in the simple action. Alanna let herself go; she heard nothing else but the thundering of her heart, the harshness of their breathing.

So lost was she in this one act that she was unaware that he'd guided them back to the fire. They lowered down onto a bed roll, never once breaking free. Alanna let all thought, all reason go, the second she'd let him touch her. It seemed that there was nothing stopping them now.

But a sudden flash of a grinning man's face in Alanna's mind made reality come crashing down around her. And all of the sudden, the pleasant feelings from a moment ago turned to miserable, self loathing ones.

Alanna pulled back from Jonathan, mumbling, "Jonathan, no." She pushed him to the side, then quickly stood up and moved to her own bed roll, safely away from him.

They sat there quietly, waiting for their breathing to return to normal, for their hearts to stop pounding.

Jonathan looked up at Alanna with a quizzical, non-understanding look. She had confused him, one minute wanting him, the next pulling away.

She took a deep breath. "We're as bad as them," she told him.

He stared at her silently, waiting for her to go on.

"I love you," she paused, before continuing. "And I love George."

"Oh," he whispered, looking away.

Alanna stood up and walked over to him sitting down she continued, "I'm married to a wonderful man. He adores me. Ever since I met him, he's done nothing but help and encourage me….and love me. How can I betray him Jonathan? How can we betray him? He's your friend too."

"I know," Jonathan answered grudgingly.

"I have a family, children. I…I can't do this to them," she told him sadly, leaning her head on his shoulder.

He looked down at her, putting his arm around her.

"I understand," he said bitterly. "I have children as well. I love them, despite what I think Thayet has done."

"Talk to her, tell her your suspicions," Alanna encouraged, patting his chest with her hand. "I'm sure you can work things out."

Jonathan took her hand in his and asked, "Can we not work things out?"

His eyes were too hopeful and she had to look away when she answered, "No, I don't think so."

She didn't look up to see his reaction. He still held her close but he did not speak. Finally after about five minutes of silence he broke it.

"I still love you and I always will," he told her.

She finally turned to face him and planted a sweet kiss on his cheek. "I'll always love you too."

And they fell fast asleep in each others arms, their dreams filled with what could not be in wakeful times.

* * *

This isn't the end. Next few chapters will be some palace fun.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed:

Ambergift --- Dom's Angel --- Alenor --- piglet12345 --- On Top Of Cloud 9 ---Chisakami Saiyuki _(cool name )_--- sammy --- Galadriel Hermione Potter --- dom's angel --- Magicstar _(I know I keep trying to fix that with Quickedit, but it's not working. )_---Anonomyss --- Eladra18 _(I hope this chapter answers your question) _--- Jamie Lynn ---cassandrajane --- FanFictionFantom --- SapphireSprite.

I'll try to update very soon.


	11. Chapter 11: Homecoming

**A/N:** Sorry for the long wait, the very long wait. I've had extreme writers block with this story, again. And I can't say that it's completely gone. But I decided to give a little update, in hopes that new reviews will get rid of the writers block. Ok, so I hope you like, and please R&R! Thanks.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters. They all belong to Tamora Pierce.

**Chapter 11: Homecoming:**

Alanna and Jonathan rode their horses over the last hill and could now see, in the distance, Tortall in all its glory. It looked beautiful, with the castle at its center and the sun setting behind it.

"We're home," Jonathan announced grudgingly.

Alanna gave him an heartening smile and allowed her horse to trot ahead. Jonathan followed her reluctantly. He didn't have much desire to return to a home that kept him from the one thing he truly wanted. But he had to keep that to himself; he had a kingdom to run and no matter what, he couldn't be selfish.

He had to think of his people. Only why did he think that Alanna would be best for his people. Despite all her protests he maintained that she would be a remarkable queen, just like Thayet, only Alanna was better equipped at protecting the people.

As they reached the gates they saw that their approach had not gone unnoticed. There, waiting regally, were the King's Own, with Raoul at there lead.

"You missed us then?" Alanna teased Raoul, as he escorted them towards the castle.

"Me? No, I'm only here on Thayet's request. She told me to personally see that you're safe or else she'd have my head. So you see I'm only here to protect myself," Raoul answered, chuckling to himself.

Alanna threw Jonathan a 'See, I told you so look.' And Jonathan responded with a look of his own; one that said, 'we'll see.'

"I'm only joking, I did miss you," Raoul admitted, when the two remained silent. "Except about the part of Thayet wanting to see you safe."

"All right, all right, Raoul, we believe you. Now let's get home," Alanna said, patting her good friend on the back.

They rode the rest of the way to the castle, telling Raoul their story in the desert. Finally about fifteen minutes later they arrived within the castle walls.

Alanna smiled encouragingly at an apprehensive Jonathan as they stepped into the main hall and were greeted by a delighted Thayet and a relieved looking George.

"Thank the Goddess, you're safe," Thayet hailed, as she embraced Jonathan openly in front of the court.

To see that sight made Alanna feel uneasy and also unsure of all Jonathan told her. But then she saw a handsome man standing off to the side watching the King and Queen in obvious disdain, and she knew Jonathan might be right again.

"Alanna," she heard her name called and was brought back to reality.

"George!" she exclaimed genuinely happy to see him. He came to embrace her and added a passionate kiss as well.

When they released Alanna noted how quick Thayet was to push away from Jonathan.

"We hail the return of our King and of course King's Champion," Thayet announced. "But a long journey requires a long rest. We shall send the two to their rooms."

* * *

Thayet scurried around her bedchamber as Jonathan looked on. 'Where is the woman I fell in love with?' he thought to himself. Other then the brief embrace they shared when he first arrived, she'd not shown him any affection.

But he wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. He really did; but seeing Vincent, the man from Tusaine and Thayet's old acquaintance, did not help.

"So…I was thinking of spending all of tomorrow with the children and you of course," Jonathan started, taking Alanna's advice.

Thayet suddenly stopped what she was doing and turned to stare at her husband. "Oh, I am sorry Jonathan, but I have made arrangements to show Vincent around Tortall."

Jonathan could not believe his wife. "Thayet, he has been here for over a month and he has not seen all of Tortall yet?" He tried not to sound furious.

"Jonathan?" Thayet questioned, not liking his tone.

"Who is more important to you Thayet? Please ask yourself this question and get back to me when you've found the answer," Jonathan answered stiffly and then left the room.

"Jonathan!" she called out.

But he didn't stop; he needed to get as far away from her as possible. He needed so many things. But the one thing he really needed was Alanna. And it killed him to know that at that precise moment she was probably in the arms of her own husband.

* * *

"It is very nice to have you back," George commented, as he and Alanna lay lazily on the bed.

"Yes it is. I am very happy to be back too," she confessed. Being alone with Jonathan in the desert was a little too intense for her. She liked being back in George's arms where everything made sense.

In his arms she loved him and he loved her. It was simple as that. And the little voice that kept knocking in her head telling her that she also loved Jonathan was momentarily silenced.

"Tomorrow we should go back to the children," George suggested.

'Back? Away from the castle?' Alanna thought frantically. 'Away from Jonathan?'

She wasn't sure if she was ready to leave his side.

"George," Alanna suddenly spoke up. "I think I need to get some air."

She started to get off the bed as George looked on in confusion.

"All right," he started. "We'll go have a walk."

"No," she said a bit abruptly. "I need to go alone." His face fell, and the confusion did not waver. "I'm sorry George. I just need some time to think."

He gave her a small smile in understanding. Getting off the bed he came to her side and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Come back to me soon."

* * *

Well that's it. Not the greatest chapter by far, I know. But it's a little something to get me going again. So I hope you enjoyed, at least somewhat. Let me know what you think.

Thanks to every single one of my reviewers: **megmae, ReadingRobyn, eridani** _(thanks for reading again)_, **charlie and lola, Scarlet Mage, The Angel of Serenity, Chisato Kawahara, winky-wink, xAvenirYuinax, Dreammergurl2007, borednow, EmeraldKnight Lover, Lady Knight Maud, Lady Eros, USNA, Galadriel Hermione Potter** _(I read the sixth book too it was sad_), **bookworm44, maliaphire, Ontopofcloud9, buttons7, Chisakami Saiyuki, and FanfictionFantom**. Sorry to keep you all waiting.

I'll try to update much sooner.


	12. Chapter 12: For the Children

**A/N:** Hi. I get to say sorry again for the long wait. But not as long as last time I hope. This time I have an excuse: I was stuck in Lebanon on vacation. So yeah I have an excuse. Anyways I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please R&R! Thanks!

**Disclaimer:** I don't any of these characters; they all belong to Tamora Pierce.

**Chapter 12: For the Children:**

"Good night little ones," Jonathan whispered affectionately to his three beautiful children.

After he had stormed out on Thayet, he was furious; he needed something to calm him down. He needed to see his children; they always brought things into perspective for him.

So that's what he had been doing for the past hour. He was in the nursery playing with his children. They had missed him greatly and he them. He was reminded of how much he loved them and of that he was grateful to Thayet.

Now they were off to bed and he was shutting the door behind him. He stood there sighing loudly. How did things go so wrong? He had been in love with Thayet, he was sure of that. But now…

Thayet was betraying him, he was sure of that, too. He wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, like Alanna had told him to, but the evidence was piling up fast in front of his eyes. All that was left was Thayet's decision of whom and what was important to her.

Walking down the hallways of his castle, he contemplated all this, unsure of where he was headed. He was quite surprised when he found himself in the palace gardens. And he was even more surprised when his feet had led him to the very spot where he had declared to Alanna that they belonged together. Jonathan smiled unconsciously; they were just kids back then, but he knew at least, what he wanted and what he still wanted.

He sat down on the bench and let out a breath. He almost wished he could go back in time, to when things started to get strained between him and Alanna, and fix everything. Almost, though; because without things going wrong he wouldn't have the children he was so grateful for.

What was he supposed to do? Go on pretending everything was all right? Sacrifice his own happiness for the good of his people, his family? But isn't that what Kings did, make sacrifices? It was the price they had to pay.

"Jonathan?" a voice whispered unsurely.

Jonathan turned around to see Alanna standing there, looking at him with such concern; it hurt him that she was so sad for him.

"Alanna," Jonathan replied.

She came around to sit next to him on the bench, still watching him closely.

"What are you doing outside?" he asked her, trying to strike up a somewhat normal conversation.

"After sleeping outside for so long, inside seemed a bit stuffy. I needed some air," she answered. Jonathan looked at her intently; he knew there was more to it than just that, but he let it go.

"What about you?" Alanna asked when he didn't say anything.

"I sort of fought with Thayet," he replied calmly.

"About what?" Alanna inquired, not sounding surprised or shocked.

"I suggested we spend the day together with the children tomorrow," Jonathan explained. "She already has plans, with Vincent, to show him around Corus."

There was no vehemence in his tone, just resignation. Alanna looked at him sadly. "Vincent? The man from Tusaine?"

Jonathan just nodded. Alanna sat there contemplating what was happening around them.

"George wants us to go to Pirate's Swoop tomorrow," Alanna confided.

Jonathan's gaze shot up to meet hers. "So soon?"

"The children are there and I miss them," Alanna said, though she really didn't want to leave so soon either. She didn't want to leave Jonathan, especially in the situation he was in now.

"I understand, but couldn't you send for them. I haven't seen them in so long, neither have my children. I'm sure they miss each other," Jonathan suggested, genuinely wanting the children in Tortall.

"I'll… I'll suggest it to George," Alanna agreed. "I really would like to stay."

Jonathan was so glad to hear her say that, he took her hands in his and exclaimed, "Then stay! Don't leave me!"

He sounded so desperate; it hurt Alanna to see him like this. She released one of her hands from his and reached up to stroke his face.

"I'll stay," Alanna said sincerely. "For now."

Jonathan was grateful for that, he put his arm around her waist and pulled her close to his body. Alanna sighed happily, resting her head on his shoulder.

"You should have been my queen," Jonathan breathed out into the night.

11111111111111111111111

Alanna tip toed back to her room, being as quiet as possible as to not wake up George. She'd stayed up late with Jonathan just sitting there not talking, comforting each other with their presence.

She quietly changed out of her clothes and into her sleeping things and then climbed into bed, curling up next to George. Despite everything she had missed him, greatly. It left her wondering how a person could love two people at once. Because she was slowly coming to realize that she did love both Jonathan and George.

Was this normal? Was she normal? It frustrated her and she sometimes wished she'd kept that long ago promise to herself, to never fall in love. But then she wouldn't have her children or any of the good memories.

And even though she loved them both, there was no choice to make: George over Jonathan, Jonathan over George. Because Jonathan was King and for now he had Thayet. And she… she had George.

She stared down over her husband, he seemed to be sleeping peacefully and she hoped to never ever do anything to cause him any restlessness. But she wasn't sure if she could keep that promise. But for now she was with George and they did love each other.

Alanna leaned down to place a good night kiss on his cheek and then hugged him from behind. She was very surprised when he started to stir.

"How was Jonathan?" came his groggy question.

22222222222222222222222

Well that's it. Sorry for the short chapter. I'll update soon, I promise.

Thanks for the awesome reviews; they didn't let me forget this story ever. So keep them coming.

Thanks to: **On top of Cloud 9; Sir Alanna of Pirates Swoop and Olau; Jennie** _(I don't know, does divorce exist in Tortall? We should ask Ms. Pierce);_ **goaligirl12; breezybrez; Sapphire Sprite; to laxy to log in srry. Lol**; **Soul of Power rocks out loud** _(Yeah I caught that mistake and I tried to fix it, but I have to re-upload the whole chapter, and I'm lazy_); **ReadingRobyn** _(right now I still don't know what will be the final couples_**; Pink Squish Llama; FanFictionFantom; and coffee2lover**. Thanks again.


	13. Chapter 13: Questions

**A/N:** Hey again! Here's the next chapter. It's kind of short, but hopefully I'll have another update soon. Please R&R! Thanks!

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Tamora Pierce.

**Chapter 13: Questions:**

"George?" Alanna asked, trying to contain her panic. Why was he awake? How did he know she had been with Jonathan?

"Yes, Alanna," He turned around to face her; his hazel gaze penetrating her purple one. "I asked how Jon was."

There was no way out of it; somehow George knew she was with Jonathan, so she resigned herself to telling the truth.

"He's fine…" Or the half truth, at least.

"He didn't look fine at all when he passed by this room earlier," George offered. "I just assumed you two ran into each other, that's why you took so long."

Ah… so that's how he knew, Alanna thought. She was able to relax somewhat now.

"Yes, we did run into each other… he's not the happiest, but…" that was all she could say without betraying Jonathan's trust.

"Is it because of Thayet?" George continued to ask.

"Thayet?" Alanna squeaked out.

"Yes, I've had the feeling- well actually a lot of people- that Thayet's been neglecting her queenly duties to her husband," George said delicately.

So he knew, well everyone knew, about Thayet's indiscretions. Ah… she could kill her friend for being so inconsiderate, to say the least.

"I… I…" Alanna tried to agree with him, but she felt that she'd be betraying Jonathan's confidence, causing him further humiliation.

George patted her arm in understanding. "That's all right, love, I understand if you can't talk about it. Just let Jon know that I'll make Vincent disappear with one word. All right?"

Alanna smiled slowly at George's old habits. She snuggled into him. He was such a good friend, and a good husband. They didn't deserve him.

"Feel like adding a fresh ear to that collection?" Alanna joked.

George looked down at her all serious. "I would do anything for my friends and family!"

"I love you George," she told him sincerely, feeling a strong amount of guilt inside.

* * *

Jonathan reluctantly went back to his rooms. He had expected to find no one there; he was very surprised to find a very angry queen.

"Where have you been?" Thayet seethed.

"I was out taking a walk," Jonathan replied calmly, though, he was surprised to see Thayet so angry.

"I've been waiting up for you, practically all night! We need to talk!" she said angrily.

Jonathan went to sit at the edge of his bed and began to take off his boots. "What about Thayet? If it isn't the answer to my question then it can wait," he said in a bored tone.

Thayet whirled around to stand in front of him. "Actually it is about your question!"

She stopped talking and Jonathan waited for her, expectantly, to continue. "Well…" he prompted.

"What was the meaning of that question exactly? How dare you even ask it? You should know the answer to it!" she shot at him.

"Do I?" he asked, looking at her with a puzzled expression. "I'm not sure I do know that answer."

"You, the children, and Tortall are the most important to me," she replied indignantly. "You are my life."

Jonathan sighed sadly. "I'm not sure that is the truth."

"How dare you?" she yelled. "How do you presume to know what's important to me?"

"How dare I?" Jonathan scoffed, suddenly angry. "I have been watching you, I see how you are around Vincent!" he practically spat out the other mans name. "I suggested we spend the day with the children and you say no because of him. So you can see how I think your answer is a little less than truthful."

Thayet fell onto her bed, staring at Jonathan in shock. "Jonathan?"

"Just tell me that I'm wrong, tell me nothings been going on with you and Vincent," Jonathan implored. "I'll forget about all this if you can just tell me that."

Thayet continued to stare at him until she lowered her head down.

"I see," Jonathan said remorsefully. "I think I'll go sleep down in my study." He got up and started to head to the door.

"Jonathan wait, it wasn't… I mean it isn't like that…" Thayet trailed off.

"I'm tired now Thayet." Then he left the room.

* * *

Well that's it for now. I'll try to update real soon.

Thanks for all the reviews: **apocalypse09** _(I'm not sure how many more, I hoping to end it in about 5 more);_ **Miralys** _(Thanks for the info; I've been making the mistake saying she's from Tusaine. No ones caught it though.);_ **Sapphire Sprite** (_I found the ending of Alanna/Jonathan was too abrupt. It's like they had one real big fight and that was it. Real couples don't give up after one fight.);_ **On top of cloud 9; breezy brez; SOPROL**; and **Reading Robyn**.

Thanks again! And keep them coming. They really do make me update faster.


	14. Chapter 14: Shed Some Light

**A/N**: Ok, I'm so, so sorry! I haven't updated in awhile, I know. A lot has been going on since I last wrote. So I haven't had the time to come up with a new chapter. But enough with the excuses… here, finally, is the next chapter. Please feel free to tell me how much I suck with the updating.

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Tamora Pierce.

**Chapter 14: Shed Some Light**

Alanna woke up early that morning. She dressed quickly and when George stirred she told him of her plans to send for the children. He didn't seem to mind and then he went back to bed.

Alanna, herself, had a specific reason for waking up early. She really wanted to find Jonathan and make sure he was all right after last night. She was worried about him.

Slowly she made her way to Jonathan's study. If he was up, he would be in there having breakfast and being briefed on the day's activities.

As Alanna turned the hallway that led to her destination she became quite aware of an unusual amount of people loitering there in front of her intended target.

Alanna knew that the scene could be nothing good. So she pushed through the ten or so people to the door of the study. There stood three familiar people: Raoul, Gary and Duke Gareth.

"What's going on here?" Alanna demanded.

"Hello Alanna," Gary greeted, as if nothing unusual was going on. "Jonathan is inside and he doesn't want to open up."

"I swear he's like a petulant child not the adult King of Tortall that he's supposed to be," Duke Gareth snapped.

Alanna stared at him, surprised, as his son tried to calm him down.

"I heard he slept in there last night," Raoul whispered in Alanna's ear.

Alanna glanced at Raoul; while that fact seemed to surprise her friend, it did not surprise her. Especially after her conversation with Jonathan last night, she'd pretty much predicted it.

"Why don't you let me talk to him," Alanna suggested to everyone gathered round.

"Good, good, we tried to send for Thayet, but he threatened us with bodily harm if we did so," The Duke answered.

Alanna almost laughed at that. It seemed that not everyone was wise to Thayet's and Jonathan's problems. That was good.

"All right, everyone out!" Alanna ordered.

"But-" Gary started to protest.

Alanna hushed him with a finger and pointed for them to go down the hall.

Everyone saw that she was serious and all started moving with only a little grumbling.

Once Alanna was sure everyone was out of earshot, at least, she took a deep breath and turned back to the door. "Jonathan," she called. There was no reply.

She listened at the door for any signs of life. A few seconds later she heard some stirring.

"Jonathan I know you're in there," Alanna said more sternly.

"I just want to be left alone right now," came his reply.

She didn't think that would be good for him, so she pressed on. "Well, I don't want to leave you alone."

"Alanna," he whined.

"Come on Jonathan," she replied. "Umm… I sent for the children, they'll be arriving tomorrow." She wanted to cheer him up, but he didn't answer. "That means I'm staying."

"Yes, with George," Jonathan said sadly.

Alanna let out an annoyed sigh. What could she say to get him out of this mood? "Jonathan what happened last night after I left you?" she asked.

"Oh nothing, I just had a nice little chat with my wife," his sarcasm betrayed his choice of words.

So that was it, a conversation with Thayet had caused this Jonathan to appear.

"Jonathan you need to let me help you," she told him.

"There's only one way you can do that," he replied.

She knew what he meant, but there was no way that they could be together without extreme consequences. But as she thought about it, there might be another way.

"Jonathan, I'll be right back," she told him quickly.

* * *

Alanna approached another set of doors. This time they were the doors to Thayet's personal chambers. There was a guard standing next to the doors.

"Is the Queen in?" she asked him.

"Yes sir, but she will be leaving on a morning outing in a few minutes," the guard replied.

Alanna considered this. She was still going to see Vincent; that was incredulous. "I'd still like a moment with her thanks," Alanna commanded.

"I will see," the guard told her. He knocked on the door and slipped inside.

Alanna waited outside only briefly, contemplating exactly what she would say to Thayet. She was angry at her friend. The situation left Alanna wondering how Thayet could act in such a scandalizing manner.

After about a minute the guard came back out. "The Queen will see you, but briefly."

Alanna nodded and went through the open doors right into Thayet's personal sitting room. She wasn't in there yet so she went to sit on one of the dainty chairs.

Thayet hurried out of one of the doors that led to her other rooms. "Oh Alanna, sorry to keep you waiting."

Alanna stood, "Don't worry, I wasn't waiting long."

"Good, good. Sit please," Thayet ordered as she did the same. "I'm sorry I can't sit long. Prior engagements and all."

"Yes, about that," Alanna started uneasily; she just couldn't get used to this flustered person in front of her. The Thayet she knew was always calm and composed.

"Yes," Thayet prompted.

"Are you seriously still going to see Vincent?" Alanna blurted out.

Thayet's friendly expression hardened. "Alanna that is none of your business."

Alanna's mouth took a grim line and nodded. "Maybe not, but Jonathan locking himself in his study most definitely is my business."

"What?" Thayet exclaimed.

"And if you're not careful it will become the whole kingdom's business," Alanna informed her, knowing exactly how fast news traveled.

"Alanna I'm not quite sure what you are saying," Thayet said carefully.

"Thayet, you're my friend. So I only say this because I want to prevent certain… hardships you may encounter in the future. What you are doing with Vincent is wrong," Alanna explained.

"You don't understand. No one understands," Thayet exclaimed.

Alanna was shocked by her sudden outburst. "Try me," Alanna added.

"It feels so good to be wanted," Thayet told her.

"Jonathan wants you, he loves you."

"No, he loves you!" Thayet accused.

"What- I mean, you know that was in the past," Alanna stumbled.

"Was it? Because I'm not so sure about that," Thayet shot back. "Can you honestly say it's _all _in your past?"

Alanna stared at her wide eyed, not sure how the conversation went from Thayet's indiscretions to hers. She considered her options, she could deny it bold facedly, or she could explain.

"Maybe not," Alanna finally answered resolutely. "But I have not been parading it in front of my husband."

"Really now," Thayet countered. "And that whole trip to the Bazhir tribe did not put a show on for your husband. We all know you spent three days alone with Jonathan."

"That's not fair," Alanna burst out. "That was for the ritual."

"Maybe so, but that didn't stop George from wondering," Thayet told her. "Your husband's not a stupid man. He may hide it pretty well, but inside he's scared and angry."

"What?"

"Scared that he will lose you and angry at you for making him feel that way," Thayet clarified. "So Alanna, I'll ask you this because you are my friend. What's worse me being open about my dislike for my husbands feelings towards you. And not hiding it. Or you going behind George's back and not giving him the decency to choose if he still wants you?"

Alanna went quiet. She wasn't sure how this happened.

"I only say this because I want to spare you certain hardships," Thayet said coldly. Alanna's face went pale, and for a second Thayet's face softened to become the familiar visage of Alanna's friend. But it was gone a second later. "Now I must be going, or else I'll be late."

Thayet swept out of the room with out a second glance at Alanna.

How did it happen? Alanna had gone in there to shed some light on Thayet's situation from an outside perspective. But it so happened that Thayet was well aware of her situation. And instead, Alanna was not aware of her own. And the light was shed on her.

* * *

Well that's it for now. Hopefully I can get the next chapter out quicker. Anyways leave me a review and let me know what you think.

And thanks to everyone else who reviewed: **wluna; super bookworm; Tortallanknight** (_thanks for all the great comments_); **Sapphire Sprite** (_we'll find out what's going on with George in the next chapter_); **The Angel Of Sincerity; FaeFolk; Jamie Lynn; Lady Seraya; x0xkatiex0x** _(aww… no way, I made someone cry. Awesome)_; **On Top of Cloud 9; apocalypse09; buffyandspike-4ever; Miralys; SOPROL** _(yeah I know_); **ReadingRobyn; Lancaster; and brezzybrez**. Thanks all very much!


	15. Chapter 15: I Told You So

**A/N:** Holy Crap! It's been over a year since I last updated. Wow, time really flies. I bet everyone thought I had abandoned this fic. But, it's just I've been busy with some things and haven't been able to sit down and write anything. Anyways, here's the next chapter, finally. Please let mew know what you think. Thanks!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of these characters.

**Chapter 15: I Told You So:**

Alanna made her way out of Thayet's room in a daze. After Thayet had left the room Alanna had sat there for a few minutes, contemplating all that the Queen had uncovered. And after those few minutes Alanna still had no way of rationalizing it all.

Finally, after walking around in that haze she plopped herself down onto a bench; that's when she realized where she had walked too. It was the bench where Jonathan had found her dressed as a girl. It was the bench where it all started for them.

'What am I going to do?' she thought miserably.

"Alanna," a voice said, concernedly.

Startled, Alanna jumped right off the bench. When she saw who the intruder was her heartbeat calmed down.

She sat back down and said, "Myles, what are you doing here? I thought you were off in Tusaine as diplomatic representative."

"Well," he grumbled as he settled himself next to his adoptive daughter, "Is that any way to greet your very own father?"

Alanna looked shamed for a second before hugging him fiercely. "I'm sorry Myles, I missed you, I really did. What has it been now, two months since I last seen you?"

"Almost," Myles agreed. "And here I return to find you looking completely miserable. What is it that has you so?"

Alanna stood up and turned away from him. "I'm fine, Myles, really."

It was easy for him to tell she was lying. He got up and put a hand on her shoulder. "Alanna…"

"Everything's a mess," Alanna mumbled.

"Might this have to do with a certain King locking himself in his chambers?" Myles gently inquired, clearly trying to hide his amusement.

"It's not funny Myles," she said, shooting him a scornful glance. "Yes, that is part of the reason."

"Forgive me, but I have to say I've seen this coming for quite awhile now," Myles stated knowingly.

Alanna shot him a suspicious look. "What exactly are we talking about now?"

Myles, in turn, gave her a sympathetic smile. "Alanna, you never did stop loving Jonathan, have you?"

"Well… no, but love changes. There are different kinds of love, aren't there?" she replied, all wide-eyed.

He nodded his head. "Yes, yes there are. Do you think your love for Jonathan has changed, I mean really changed?" Alanna stayed silent at this question. "Because, Alanna, if the answer to that question is no, I think the next person you must speak with straightaway is George."

"George?" Alanna questioned in a frightened voice.

"Yes, George, my dear."

"But, I love George," Alanna answered in a daze.

Myles put a hand on her shoulder. "And that is precisely why you must speak with him."

* * *

It seemed Alanna was doomed to walk about in a fog. Every time she thought she had something figured out someone turned everything upside down again.

But, if she thought about what Myles said and even about what Thayet had to say, it all fit. She needed to speak with George right away. Alanna needed to be truthful with her husband. He had to know everything.

And with that in mind Alanna was now in search of her husband. Luckily, she found him in the first place she looked.

Alanna walked into their shared chambers and saw George rummaging about the room. The second his eyes landed on her his whole face lit up. And in turn caused a nauseous feeling in her stomach.

The questions, "Why am I doing this? and Why am I potentially ruining my happy life? flew through her mind.

"Hello, my darling girl," he greeted happily, coming over to embrace her. "I was just going to look for you."

Alanna didn't say anything. For just that moment she wanted nothing more than to sink into his arms and pretend that there wasn't anything wrong with her.

George suddenly pulled away from her but left his hands on her shoulders. He was beaming down at her. "I have great news! Myles has returned!"

Alanna gave George a small smile. "Yes, I've just come from speaking with him."

George gave his wife a scrutinizing look, finally realizing something wasn't quite right. Her lack of enthusiasm at her adoptive father's return was indicator enough.

"Alanna…" he started uncertainly, a frown replacing the bright smile.

"George," she began, touching his cheek tenderly. "We need to talk about… some things."

"Some things? Why does this sound like it's not going to be good?" George considered, his frown deepening.

Silently, Alanna led them to the sitting room. They sat down; all the while George stared at her intently.

How did she begin? How could she say the things she had come to say? If it was near impossible to think them, how could she put these misty thoughts into words?

"Alanna…" George stared at her with pleading green eyes. "Say something please. Or I may very well go insane with all these thoughts rushing through my head."

Alanna grimaced. Already she was causing him pain and she hadn't even spoken yet. She nodded her head once before speaking. "George I love you-"

"Oh is that all," he cut her off; exhaling the breath he had been holding. "I love you too, sweetheart."

Alanna shook her head and put her hand to his lips. "Please, let me finish what I have to say. This is going to be hard."

She dropped her hand from his lips and he said, "Go on."

Alanna took a deep breath. "For the past month or so things have been happening to me. I've participated in the Bazhir ritual, I've learned new things, and I've come across old feelings."

She paused and stood up, facing away from George. This next part was going to be the hardest part of all.

"Old feelings?" George questioned. "Jon?"

She heard the pain in his voice. He was crushed and in turn she felt horrible for it. A tear slipped down her cheek. And she turned back around to see the glistening, unshed tears in his eyes.

"George, it isn't exactly how you are thinking," she wanted him to know. She needed him to know that nothing really had happened between them.

"Oh really, because what I'm thinking is that my wife is in love with another man," he replied scornfully.

"George, no-"

"So, are you saying you don't love Jonathan?" he asked disdainfully.

She shook her head sadly.

"Alanna what are you doing?" he demanded. "What do you want?"

She looked up at him, wide-eyed and a little bewildered. "What… what do you mean?"

"I mean are you leaving me?" he asked angrily. "Are you leaving me for the King?"

"No!" she replied instantly, instinctively.

"Then why are we doing this? Why are we bringing all this up again?" he asked, sorrowfully. "You know, it took me a long time to stop being so insecure. To stop thinking that you'd run back to Jonathan every time you saw him. There was always this fear in the back of my head that I didn't give you enough time to get over him before I pursued you. Is everything I thought when we first got together being confirmed now?"

Tears were now streaming down her face. "I'm sorry George. I'm so sorry I ever made you feel that way. That I'm making you feel that way now."

George sighed, reaching a hand out to wipe away her tears. "Sorry is not what I need right now, love."

She gazed up at his face, searching for answers.

"I've always known you'd be in love with him forever. He was your first love, differences or not, that doesn't change. But I've always known, or thought I'd known that the love we share is much stronger, much deeper than the other," he paused, not really waiting for an answer. "I guess what I need to know and what you need to decide is if that is true or not. I don't want to hold you back, ever. You know that, right?"

"Yes," she whispered. "Why… why are you being so understanding?"

He smiled down at her. "Don't get me wrong, I am furious with you. But right now I think it's more important to my cause to let you know that I love you and I always will love you."

Fresh tears poured from her eyes at his words. She did not deserve him. Alanna knew she was an awful person for causing him so much pain.

"Now, I will be riding out later today to meet the children halfway on their journey. Maybe, when I return you'll have things figured out by then?"

He walked around her, back towards their bedroom, but before he disappeared through the doors he came back and hugged Alanna from behind. He inhaled deeply as if wanting to remember her scent and kissed her cheek. "Oh Alanna… I love you so much."

He let go abruptly and was off but not before she called back, "I love you too George."

* * *

Well, that's it for now. A little depressing, but still full of drama don't you think? I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Next chapter will definitely have Jonathan in it.

And I just wanted to thank everyone who reviewed, encouraging me to continue: **jayley; Badwrit3r** (_thanks for the compliment_); **Tortall101; Yelene-ryudream**; **fishyfin1** _(nope it's not over yet);_ **Obsessed Reader; On top of cloud 9; brezzybrez** _(nope I really do suck at updating_); **Sapphire Sprite** _(I'm glad Thayet's transformation seems believable, I know in the books she's an awesome person.);_** laughing stock** _(I'll try not to mess with George. I love his character too much.);_ **AlannaXJon4ever** _(how do you feel about George now?);_ **wluna; Faefolk**; **ReadingRobyn; The Angel of Sincerity; and SOPROL**.

Thanks again for all the lovely reviews. And please keep them coming.


	16. Chapter 16: Confusion

**A/N:** I'm back again. I didn't disappear. But I did go back to school. I'm getting my teaching degree and really needed to concentrate on that. But now I'm couple weeks away from getting my degree. So, I had some time. Anyways, I know it's been almost a year since I last updated so I'll just give you a little recap.

_Recap: Jonathan confronted Thayet about her relationship with Vincent. She did not deny that something was going on between them and Jonathan concluded that she was having an affair. He decided to sleep in his study and pretty much locked himself in there, not letting anyone in. Alanna believing the state that Jonathan was in was all Thayet's fault confronted her, only to have it all turned on herself. Confused she spoke with Myles. And Myles encouraged her to speak with George. Alanna spoke with George telling him all her feelings and he told her to figure out what she wanted before he came back home with their kids. And that's where we left off last._

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of these characters.

**Chapter 16: Confusion:**

Alanna made her way out of her room. She was hurting. And that hurt was guiding her through the castle walls. It didn't make any sense to her. Her life, that is. It was just one befuddled mess. But, it had been perfect, or almost perfect, until recently. It had taken one tiny journey to confuse everything. And a part of her wished that that journey had not occurred.

Walking down the halls of the palace she had finally found herself at her destination. The crowds had cleared around Jonathan's study; apparently they had all given up on him. But she couldn't.

Alanna walked right up to the door and banged on it. "Jonathan, open up!" she yelled. "Open up now!"

There was no answer, so she continued to knock. Finally, getting tired, she called out, "Jonathan please, open, please. I need… I need to talk to you. Please."

Maybe because of the desperation in her voice, or maybe because he'd been in there alone long enough, Jonathan opened the door.

He stood there holding the door open, looking stricken. "Alanna, what's wrong?"

Alanna couldn't speak, she rushed at Jonathan and he enveloped her in his arms. He managed to kick the door shut and then pulled them inside to sit on a chair. He became alarmed when he started to feel wetness on his shoulder. Alanna was crying.

"Alanna… please tell me what's wrong," he pleaded gently.

She still did not respond. So, Jonathan held her until she was calm enough to tell him why she was in a state of distress.

"It's all right," he tried to soothe. "Everything's going to be all right."

Alanna pulled away from him. She sniffled a few times and wiped at her teary eyes. Looking down at her hands she said, "No, it's not."

"Alanna?" he said in confusion. He stared at her, wondering what could have happened between now and this morning.

She lifted her gaze to meet his, her violet eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Why were you in here? Why did you lock yourself in?"

"Alanna… Alanna what happened with you?" he asked instead.

"Please Jonathan, can you answer my questions," Alanna pleaded.

He let out a sigh and ran a shaky hand through his dark hair. "I found out that my marriage is ruined. I found out that my wife _is_ having an affair."

Alanna let out a gasp. She had known this was the case, but to have it said so undeniably… It was a shock. "Thayet confessed?"

"Yes," Jonathan answered simply.

"What… what are you going to do?" Alanna questioned.

Jonathan considered the question for a second, but instead of answering he reached out to touch her face, to wipe away a few escaped tears. "What happened tonight, Alanna? What causes you so much pain?"

She closed her eyes and turned her head away. "I talked to George tonight," she started slowly; she visibly shuddered as she continued. "He is _furious_ with me."

Jonathan stared at her intently. 'What… what did you talk about?"

She opened her eyes and turned to look at him as she answered. "We talked of you and me, me and George, and where we all stand."

Just looking at her, Jonathan knew he had caused her so much pain. All of this was his fault, he concluded.

"He… he told me," she paused, taking a breath in. "He said I need to figure out which love is stronger, my love for him or my love for you. How can I… how can I…"

She was about to breakdown again. He quickly engulfed her in his arms, pulling her against his chest.

"Shh… Alanna, don't cry," he whispered. "Please, don't cry."

Jonathan was scared. He'd known Alanna a long time and he'd never seen her breakdown like this. What had he done to her?

"I'm sorry Alanna," he whispered, placing a kiss on the top of her head. "I am so sorry. This is all my fault. If I hadn't been such a fool so long ago, insisting you become my Queen right away, we could have been together now, without all this pain."

Alanna pulled back, tears still flowing. "This isn't your fault Jonathan. We could have never known then that this is where we'd be now. Besides if things were different we wouldn't have our children. I would never change that. I love them."

Jonathan let out a sigh. She was right. He wouldn't have his beautiful children. "You're right."

"What are we going to do Jon?" she asked him.

"I have no idea Alanna."

* * *

George rode out that afternoon completely heartbroken. He had always known Alanna would still love Jonathan. It was a risk he took when he had pursued her so quickly after their break-up. But, he had thought he had won her over completely.

As he rode on, rain splattering his hair, he had to wonder if he had done right, giving her space. Leaving to let her make a decision. Leaving her with Jonathan so nearby suddenly didn't seem like such a good idea. But, it was too late now. He needed to meet his children. Maybe, when they were all together again with Alanna she'd see why they were together in the first place.

There love was strong and real, based on mutual respect and happiness. She had to see that their love was superior to hers with Jonathan. She just had too.

* * *

Thayet stared off into the distance as she considered her life right then at that moment. The question, "What have I done?" kept rolling around her head. Everything was not going according to plan. Nothing was the way it was supposed to be.

She was supposed to be the happy, strong Queen at her King's side. Her first love was not supposed to reappear in her life. And her husband was not supposed to be eying his first love either.

She didn't want this life as it was now. Thayet didn't want to feel so confused; she didn't want to feel so much pain.

Thayet was brought out of her thoughts when her companion took a seat next to her.

"What is it my love?"

Thayet turned at the sound of Vincent's voice. Somehow, the words that had seemed so right before-my love- now didn't as much. She wasn't sure what that meant.

"I don't know, I just don't know," she replied, frustrated.

She heard Vincent sigh. "Perhaps, it is the talk you had with your husband?"

"Vincent?" she asked confused.

"Maybe you're feeling guilty…" he postulated.

That was an understatement, she thought. "Vincent, I'm just… confused right now," she said out loud.

He nodded. "I see… would you like to be alone with your thoughts?"

She turned to look into his dark eyes- and then there were times like this, when he seemed to know exactly what she needed.

"Please," she added.

"All right," he said slowly. He placed a kiss on her cheek. "I will see you at dinner, then."

She watched him walk away and then turned to watch the setting sun, left alone with her thoughts.

* * *

Well that's it for now. Hopefully, I'll update soon. And hopefully someone is still reading this story, since I suck at updating.

Anyways, I wanted to thank those who reviewed so long ago: **performer001; Meathead-the-1st; On top of cloud 9; Annie **_(who knows? Wait and see);_ **KlutzyQT; ReadingRobyn; LadyKnigh0207** (_Thanks for the great comments, unfortunately I suck at updating. I try, but I just never find enough time)_; **Tortall101; Jenl314; Gallan Princess; wpluna; breezybrez; SOPROL; and AlannaXJon4ever.**

So, please review and let me know what you think. You're reviews keep me coming back! Thanks!


	17. Chapter 17: Well Enough Alone

**A/N:** Back again! With a very short chapter, but I really wanted to update since I'll be going on a month and a half trip at the end of this month. And I don't know when the next time I'll be done is. Good news is, I think this story is coming to a close. And if I get my butt working on it I could be finished it before I leave. But no promises.

Anyways I hope you enjoy this chapter. Leave me a review and let me know what you think! Thanks!

_Recap: Jonathan confronted Thayet about her relationship with Vincent. She did not deny that something was going on between them and Jonathan concluded that she was having an affair. He decided to sleep in his study and pretty much locked himself in there, not letting anyone in. Alanna believing the state that Jonathan was in was all Thayet's fault confronted her, only to have it all turned on herself. Confused she spoke with Myles. And Myles encouraged her to speak with George. Alanna spoke with George telling him all her feelings and he told her to figure out what she wanted before he came back home with their kids. Alanna tells Jonathan about the choice she has to make. And Thayet is having second thoughts. That's where we've left off._

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of these characters. They belong to the lovely Tamora Pierce.

**Chapter 17: Well Enough Alone:**

Alanna had left Jonathan alone early in the evening. After his admission that he was clueless as to how to deal with their situation, Alanna just had to get away. She needed a clear head. She needed to remember all the things that led her to the decisions she had made in her life. Surely there was a reason why they were at this point in their lives.

Alanna made her way out to the stables. It was late; she knew there wouldn't be anyone around to disturb her thinking. Just her and the horses, no one else to bump into.

A grey-haired mare attracted her attention, whinnying when it caught a glimpse of Alanna. She approached the horse and petted its head when the horse poked her head over the stall door.

"Hey there, girl," Alanna greeted. "You're a pretty little thing, aren't you?"

The mare stared back at her.

"I know what you'd like," Alanna decided. She found a bag of red apples close by. She grabbed one and held it to the grey-beauty. "There you go."

The horse took it gladly. Alanna slid down to the ground, leaning heavily back against the horse's stall door. She looked up to see the horse's head just above her. "What am I supposed to do?" she asked it.

The horse seemed to look down at her with a quizzical look.

"I know, I'm just as oblivious as you," she told it. She brought up her knees to her chest and settled her chin on top. "I know what I'm _supposed_ to do. I should forget my feelings for Jon. I should stay with George. That would be the right thing to do. For George, the children, for Thayet and her children."

_But was it right for her?_ she thought. She so wanted it to be. She loved George so much, she did. In all their time together there was never a time when she felt lacking in anything. So why was she attempting to ruin their happiness? Why was she so drawn to Jonathan, now?

"Jonathan was one of the first to accept me as I am," she said out loud. The horse neighed as if to remind her. "That's right… George really was the first. He's always accepted me as I am, never tried to change me. Jon…"

… _wanted me to be his queen,_ she thought. There was a moment, however brief, where he had wanted her to change. And that was probably the source of all their problems. Their break up was so abrupt and unclean; it really wasn't smooth at all. If only they had addressed that fact back then, instead of just accepting that each had moved on with someone else.

Alanna looked up at her companion once again. "Can you tell me what to do?" If it wasn't her imagination, she could have sworn that the horse had shook its head. "I didn't think so."

She found herself, once again in her life, yearning for the animal companion that she once had: Faithful. If he wouldn't tell her what to do, he surely would have told her when she was making a huge mistake. Maybe he could have stopped them from reaching this point at all.

"Can you come back to me?" she whispered into the darkness.

There was no answer. Alanna knew it wasn't possible, just wishful thinking on her part. Faithful was in a better place, living it up with the God's and Goddess's, anyways.

Besides, now that she thought about it. He probably would have told her this was something she had to figure out on her own.

"So what am I going to do?" she asked herself.

She stared up at the horse again, maybe hoping she'd have an answer. She sighed when the mare just stared back at Alanna, speechless.

"Yeah, me either," she answered, the horses un-uttered retort of 'don't know.'

* * *

Jonathan threw the goblet in his hands across his bedroom. Luckily, he was all alone to hear the clatter it made. He was so frustrated. Nothing was going the way it was supposed to be. Everything was so complicated. And he found himself wishing to go back in time to simpler days, where all he had to worry about was whether anyone found out that Alan was actually Alanna.

Now, he had so many worries. He alone, had the weight of his kingdom on his shoulders. His mother and father gone long ago, it was his sole responsibility. It was one he was supposed to share with his wife. But Thayet had become yet another one of his worries. Her unhealthy attachment to her suitor from so long ago his prime concern. He didn't know what to do about it. Didn't even know _if_ he wanted to do something about it. That's because he found his feelings for his first love returning, or maybe resurfacing. And Alanna was another fret on his mind. Though, he did love her dearly, it was his very love which was hurting her now. And this was his situation. His dilemma.

George was making her choose. And Jonathan couldn't begrudge him that. He was sure that if he was in the same position he would have demanded the same thing. But, it was this choice that she was being forced to make that was causing her so much pain.

And as much as he hated to admit it, her having to choose was really his fault. He had started this whole mess, insisting she confront her feelings for him. Making her see that she, indeed, still loved him. Why couldn't he have left well enough alone?

Because he _did_ love her so much.

The door to his bedroom opened slowly. He watched as Thayet slunk in, earlier than normal for her these days. He wondered what had caused her to return so early.

"Oh Jonathan," she said surprised, spotting him nearby. "I… I didn't think you'd be in here. I… I can go."

He considered his wife carefully. He remembered how he felt the first time he met her. It was so unbelievable to him that that feeling could go away.

She blushed under his scrutiny, the redness really standing out across her ivory skin. He was quite surprised to feel his heart flutter.

"Don't be silly, Thayet," he said softly, kindly. "This is your room."

She shook her head. "This is _our _room."

His eyes widened at her choice of words. It was the first time in a long time that he had heard her refer to anything as 'theirs.'

"Be that as it may," he began, trying to ignore the feeling of slight elation in his stomach. "You stay in here. I'll go down to my study."

He got up to go when Thayet's voice stopped him. "Jonathan, don't go… I'd like to talk…"

He let out a sad sigh. "Really Thayet, I'm not in the mood. We'll talk tomorrow…"

He left the room before she could protest. He was in no mind to hear of his wife's advances with her old suitor.

* * *

Thayet let out a sigh as she sunk onto her bed. She should have known it wouldn't be that easy to talk to her husband. She had messed things up pretty royally. Her silence at Jonathan's questioning about her relationship with Vincent was taken as an admission of an affair. But it really wasn't like that. Jonathan misunderstood the relationship between the two, but she had to admit that she hadn't helped matters.

It was true, Vincent was her first love. The love she had thought was forever lost. When she found him again, it was such a surprise that, of course, she wanted to see him again. And when she did they both realized that the feelings were still there. But at the time she knew she was duty bound to Tortall, her children, and of course Jonathan. So, she and Vincent spent time together but nothing more than that. It had been slightly frustrating, but the right thing to do.

But, when she heard the talk about her husband and friend, rumours that she knew were true, well then, Thayet got a little more reckless. She seemed to attempt to flaunt her relationship in front of Jonathan. Though she had never crossed the line with Vincent, she implied it in her actions. She had been jealous, pure and simple.

Now she wondered if any of it was worth it. She was miserable, Jonathan was miserable, and Alanna and George surely weren't at their happiest. Why couldn't anyone leave well enough alone?

* * *

Well that's it. I hope you liked it. I can see this going on for maybe three more chapters (hopefully) and then finally it will be done.

Thanks to anyone who has been reading this story for so long. I know you know now that I suck at updating big time. But, I really do hate leaving things unfinished, so I won't be abandoning this story. So, that's the good side.

Anyways thanks to those who reviewed the last chapter: **K** _(your review helped greatly with the update, thanks!);_ **LadyKnight0207** _(lol, thanks for all the love!_); **misschippie** _(Jon definitely had some loser moments, but he was a prince and that's why we loved him)_; **SOPROL; AlannaXJon4ever; and brezzybrez** (_kids are always a factor…)._

Anyways, hopefully I can at least get one more update in before I leave. With a miracle maybe I'll be able to finish it…

See ya!


	18. Chapter 18: Family

**A/N:** Hey all, I thought I'd fit in this update before I leave. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters, they belong to Tamora Pierce.

**Chapter 18: Family:**

Jonathan woke that morning with a headache so strong that he wondered if he had drunk too much the night before and just couldn't remember. But, no, his stomach felt fine at least. Only his head ailed him.

Though, it hurt terribly he went about his Kingly duties- much to the relief his fellow courtiers, Gary and Raoul- that he had neglected the day before. Yes, he had much on his mind, but he also had many responsibilities.

With the last important court document signed, he excused himself from the room. He needed a break. His heart was heavy and he was in need of a lightening of states. And he knew exactly where to go to receive just that. Following the path back to his chambers, he turned left instead of right leading him to his children's nursery instead.

He really had to admit that he had become a bad father of late. When was the last time he had sat and properly visited with his children? He couldn't remember. And he truly wanted to kick himself over this fact.

Jonathan reached the nursery door and was only somewhat surprised to find the door slightly ajar. He stood back, peeking through the door to assess the area. What he found both surprised him as well as pleased him. Thayet was alone with their children, as far as he could tell from the angle. It pleased him that she didn't expose their children to her relationship with Vincent.

He stood at the door watching. She was sitting at a table, Kalasin, in the chair next to her, Roald in a chair across from them. While little Liam was on the floor playing with a toy horse.

"Mommy?" Kalasin's child voice piped up. "How do you make a flower?"

"Here," Thayet announced. Jonathan watched in amusement as he saw Thayet reach for the pots of paint and dip her fingers in. She was finger-painting with their daughter. "How's this?"

Kalasin took the sheet back, looked at it, then at her mother. She beamed up at Thayet. "It's beautiful, mommy."

"Mommy, did I forget any?" Four year old Roald asked, passing her his paper.

Thayet wiped her fingers on a cloth, before taking it from him. "Oh Roald it's absolutely perfect! You didn't miss a letter. Now why don't you write out your name for me?"

She handed it back to her son and turned to watch her other son. Two year old Liam was moving his horse about the floor, mumbling out some gibberish.

"Liam baby, what does a horse say?" she asked glowing.

"Neigh, neigh," he answered without looking up at his mother.

Thayet laughed a twinkling laugh. He hadn't heard that in awhile. She got out of her chair and grabbed her son off the floor, swinging him into the air, both giggled happily.

For some reason Jonathan chose this moment to interrupt the happy interlude. Knocking lightly, he pushed the door open.

"Hello," he greeted.

All eyes were on him. His gaze locked briefly with that of his wife's, sharing a moments understanding before shouts of delight broke his gaze away.

"Daddy," Roald exclaimed. "Look Daddy, I can write the whole alphabet!"

His son flew off his seat and thrust his work in front of him. Jonathan chuckled briefly at his proud son. Taking the paper from him, he commented, "That you did son. Very well, indeed. Now can you write the word cat?"

Roald was quick to say of course and went back to work. Kalasin, not to be outdone by her slightly older brother, moved a little more demurely to produce her work.

"Daddy look, I made you a picture," she announced.

She produced her artwork and Jonathan smiled down at his child. She had rendered her family in her three year old style—all heads, with arms and legs sticking out.

"Do you like it?"

"Of course!" he exclaimed, leaning down to place a kiss on his daughter's forehead. She giggled and went back to produce more masterpieces.

Jonathan smiled at his two children before an impatient voice alerted him to the third child.

"Daadaa, daadaa," Liam cried.

Jonathan turned to see Thayet still watching him and Liam straining to pull from his mother's arms.

He approached the pair, smiling at Thayet, he then focused on Liam. "Come here, buddy."

Liam eagerly left one set of arms for the other. Once secure in Jonathan's arms Liam began to engage his father in a serious conversation consisting of gurgles, mumbles, and half words. But Jonathan considered it all with seriousness, inwardly smiling. He had not a clue what his baby boy was trying to tell him.

It was at this time he found Thayet about to leave.

"Thayet, where are you going?" he questioned.

She blushed visibly, the blush from the night before, the one that sent butterflies inside his stomach. "I… I thought you'd like to be alone with the children?"

He shook his head. "No, I'd like you here too," he told her sincerely.

She nodded her head and slowly resumed her seat next Kalasin.

He felt much better than he had in days. Coming to the nursery had definitely done the trick.

* * *

After her night's deliberations with the horse by her side, Alanna awoke stiff in the stable only to find herself being stared at by the horse handler. He didn't know what to make of the King's Champion and Lady Knight. Alanna, on her part, bid the man a good morning, ready to go back to her rooms. But before being on her way she decided to give the grey mare a good brushing. The least she could do for talking her ear off. After that she was on her way.

Her first stop was her chambers, though she had slept through the night, it wasn't a comfortable sleep, by far. It was fitful to say the least and she hoped she could nap for one more hour before having to go about her business. And she did just that.

This time when she awoke it was to feeling a lot more refreshed, and more at ease with herself. Maybe she hadn't got any answers from the horse, or from herself, but somehow just talking about her situation to someone so impartial made her feel so much better about it.

They could figure things out, she was sure of it. There was an answer to all their problems. And she felt as if she was on the verge of receiving that answer.

She was in such good spirits that morning that she decided that for once she needed to share her good moods, not just the bad ones. She stopped briefly at Jonathan's study, looking for him. But she only found Gary and Raoul. They were quick to inform her that Jonathan had gone to spend time with his children. To the nursery it was, he was such a good father.

Alanna made her way quickly to the nursery. Once there she found the door open halfway. She heard Jonathan's deep voice, praising his children and she was ready to push open the door. Then she heard a feminine laugh and she realized that Jonathan and the children weren't alone. Thayet came into view, swinging Liam around.

"Thayet, you will regret all that turning you know," Jonathan chided in an amused voice.

"I will not. I know what my son likes," she told him, mock angry. Liam giggled. "See, he loves it."

The next thing Alanna heard was a cough from Liam, followed by a spitting sound.

Jonathan laughed out loud. "See, I told you."

Jonathan came into view carrying a cloth. "Here let me help you."

Alanna watched with almost morbid fascination as Jonathan tenderly—as tenderly as anyone could wipe off spit up—wiped Thayet's shoulder.

She continued to spy on the family. They seemed so happy together, that she was hesitant to interrupt such a private moment. It was a little sobering to see them like this. Watching the family of five, you would swear there was nothing amiss with the parents. And maybe there wasn't? Maybe it was only her with the issues and she was just projecting them onto Jonathan.

Suddenly, she had a tight feeling in her stomach. It was a gut-wrenching feeling. She knew if she watched the happy couple and family for a minute longer her stomach contents might just find their way out.

With a quiet squeak, she ran quickly away.

* * *

Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. And I hope you liked the quickness of the update. Sadly, I think it might be the last before I leave next Wednesday. I'll see what I can do about getting to an internet café or something when I get there, but no promises.

Anyways, just wanted to say thanks to everyone who reviewed: _First there were two people who reviewed who actually made me want to update faster, and this chapter goes out to them,_ **SOPROL** _(hope you're feeling better after your surgery_) and **Grace** _(Are you still appalled? Lol)._ And thanks to **Love-for-Romance; LadyKnight0207; Shout in a Whisper; jayley; and brezzybrez**.

See Ya soon!


	19. Chapter 19: Love of a Family

**A/N:** Hey all! I managed to get the internet here where I'm staying. And I've also done some work on this story and I'm happy to say in three chapters (including this one) this story will be officially complete! So, look for a fast update in the next week or so! Anyways, leave me a review and let me know what you think of this chapter. Thanks!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of Tamora Pierce's characters.

**Chapter 19: Love of a Family:**

George could see the riding party escorting his children ahead. They were a good one hundred paces or so in front of him. But, it would take him a mere few minutes to reach them.

He had to admit, he missed his children dearly. They were his connection to his wife when he believed that connection to be thoroughly strained. And at the moment with all that was going on he needed to feel close to Alanna.

His hope was that once they were all together again that Alanna would come to her senses. After all, first love _was_ a strong thing, but George believed that the love of a family was even stronger.

And his belief in the love of a family was intensified when he could see his children, Thom, Alan, and Ailianne, running towards him, laughing ecstatically to see their father. He couldn't wait to get the children back to their mother.

* * *

"Father, do we have to?" Roald complained to Jonathan.

Jonathan looked down at his son, amused. "Yes, son, playtime is over now, it's time for your lessons."

"But, but, five more minutes," Roald sputtered.

Thayet knelt down to give her son a hug. "Roald dear, don't you want to grow up to be a great King like your father?"

Roald shook his head.

"No?" Jonathan asked, laughing now.

"No, I want to be a great knight like aunt Alanna," he assured all.

There was a brief uncomfortable pause, before Thayet broke it. "Your aunt Alanna had to work very hard to become a great knight. She never missed a single lesson."

"Really?" Roald asked suspiciously.

"Really," Jonathan assured. "She even went when she was sick."

"Wow," Roald said in awe. "Aunt Alanna really is a great knight."

His parents nodded in confirmation.

"Now go along with Matthew to your lessons," Jonathan told the boy, indicating Roald's waiting tutor.

"Ok, daddy, I'll see you later," he said happily.

The two watched their eldest son leave the room, acutely aware of their aloneness. Kalasin was already off for her music lessons and Liam was down for his nap.

"Well…" Jonathan broke the silence. He stood up ready to leave. "I guess I should go… back to my duties."

Thayet nodded. He was almost out the door before her voice stopped him in his tracks.

"I was a fool, Jonathan," she blurted out.

He turned around slowly to get further explanation. She blushed under the intensity of his gaze.

"I sent Vincent away," she said more calmly.

His eyes widened in surprise. "You did?"

She nodded. "Jonathan… it was never how you thought it was. We never did anything… _anything_ at all."

Jonathan took this information in. For some reason it was not a shocker. When he married Thayet he knew she was of the honourable type. So why did she lead him to believe otherwise?

"Why… why'd you let me believe that it _was_ something?" he needed to know.

His wife let out an ashamed sigh. "Because I was jealous…"

"Jealous of what?" he asked needlessly, because he knew the answer.

"Of you and Alanna," Thayet acknowledged. "I've heard… things… and I don't like it."

Jonathan let out a sigh of his own. "I'm sorry Thayet…" He didn't know what else to say. He knew Thayet wanted to hear a vehement denial of anything she had heard, but he couldn't lie to her.

"Do you not love me anymore?" she asked bluntly.

He didn't have to dig deep in his heart to find the love he felt for her. She had and would always have a fixed place in his heart.

"Of course I love you," he assured. "Why do you think your apparent relationship with Vincent has been hurting me so much? Cause I love you and I wasn't sure you still loved me."

"I love you," she was quick to inform him.

He nodded, glad to hear it, but still unsure of what to do.

"So... where does that leave us?" Thayet wanted to know.

Jonathan just shrugged, he was damned if he knew.

"All right," Thayet said. "When you do figure it all out, you know where to find me."

Jonathan watched his wife leave the room, leaving him to his brooding thoughts.

* * *

Alanna had run all the way from the nursery straight for the comfort of her adopted father. Because at the moment she felt as though her life was falling apart and comfort was just what she needed.

"I talked to George," she confessed to Myles.

There was a frown on his face. "And how did he take it?"

Alanna thought back on her husband's reaction with surprise. "Better than I expected," she admitted.

"Ah… a true sign of that man's love for you. He doesn't want to pressure you for a decision," Myles approved. "He is a good man."

"I know that!" she exclaimed in frustration. "He's not the problem. I am!"

Myles' eyebrow shot up. "Just you? Not Jonathan?"

Alanna shook her head furiously. "No, not Jonathan, if it weren't for me Jonathan would be happy with his family."

"How do you figure?" Myles inquired from his daughter.

"I saw them," she confessed. "Just now, they looked like a normal, happy family. It's me who's ruining everything."

"Alanna," Myles scolded. "It takes two people to have an affair."

Alanna winced at the word 'affair.' It was the first time she had had it applied to her 'relationship' with Jonathan. It made it sound worse then it actually was. But, it wasn't an affair, was it? They hadn't really done anything. Just a few kisses…

"Myles, my heart hurts, my stomach feels sick, and my head aches constantly," she told him. "I just… I just want things to go back to normal."

"Well…" he started, and after a good pause he continued, "You are the only one who knows how to do that."

She stared at her father with frightened eyes. She did know how to make things better. But if she did what she was thinking of doing that would be it. There would be no more chances for anything else, because the situation was already inappropriate enough. Anymore flip-flopping and it would be thoroughly scandalous.

No, this was it. There would be no turning back. Once it was done it would be done.

"Alanna?"

"Thank you, Myles," she spoke up. "I think I know what to do."

She got up to leave her father's study, leaving him wondering just what had she decided.

* * *

Jonathan searched everywhere for Alanna. In her chambers, in the stables, on the training grounds, even the gardens, but he could not find the Lady Knight.

He needed to see her. He needed to be reassured that she still loved him, because he knew he still loved her. But things had changed in the past twenty-four hours. His wife, it turned out, was not a cheater. And she still loved him. It was a happy realization, but it was tainted by his own actions.

Jonathan needed to talk to Alanna desperately. He had to know where they stood, because the limbo they had been in the past few weeks was not good enough anymore.

He knew now that there was a lot more at stake then just whether or not Alanna wanted to be with him. There was his family to consider. Their actions could change the course of his children's lives and he just had to know where they were going to go.

But, Alanna, it soon became apparent, was no where to be found.

* * *

Well that's it. One more chapter to go and then an epilogue. I hope you've enjoyed this chapter and story. Let me know what you think!

Thanks to my reviewers: **brezzybrez; LadyKnight0207; SOPROL; Chewing Gum Girl; and Shout in a whisper.**

See you all soon!


	20. Chapter 20: Done Deal

**A/N:** Hey all! I said that I'd have a quick update, see I wasn't lying. Lol. Well, I hope you enjoy this last chapter. Just have the epilogue to go. So, please R&R! Thanks!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of these characters.

**Chapter 20: Done Deal:**

Alanna had done it. She had made her decision. And strangely, the second she did her chest felt lighter, her stomach was no longer queasy, and the headache disappeared like magic. A weight had been lifted from her shoulders and she felt infinitesimally better.

What about regrets? As she took the time to think about it she found that at the moment she had none.

She laughed out loud.

One of her main concerns was that she'd have regrets over whatever decision she made. But not a single one. It was fantastic!

There wasn't anything else she could really ask for other than that. No regrets meant her decision was the right one for her. She knew she'd be hurting him, but she also knew he would eventually forgive her. Because he loved her.

* * *

This was getting to be ridiculous, Jonathan thought. Where was she?

A whole day had passed and he still couldn't find Alanna. He had resorted to getting others to help in the search. He was sitting in his study wondering where she could be when Gary entered the room.

"Did you find her?" Jonathan asked anxiously.

Gary frowned. "I talked to the guards on the wall. They said they saw her ride out yesterday, mid-afternoon. Where could she be going without telling anyone?"

Jonathan's mouth fell open. She had left; she had just gone without a word to him. How could she do that?

"Jonathan? Do you know where she went?"

He stared at his cousin unseeingly. He knew where she had gone. It seemed she had made her decision. And her decision did not include him.

Gary, seeing that he wasn't going to get much more out of his cousin, left the room, leaving Jonathan with his brooding thoughts.

It was strange; he thought it would hurt more. Shouldn't he not be able to breathe or something? After all, her decision was not him. It hurt, it did. But there was also a sense of relief that came with this new found knowledge. As if now he could get on with his life. But the relief was also for the fact that the hard decision had been made for him. And for that he was grateful to Alanna.

* * *

George listened to the happy chatter of his daughter, Ailianne. She was sitting in the saddle in front of him. The girl had always been closer to him then her mother.

But the happy two year old conversation was interrupted by the shouts of a runner riding back towards the party.

"There's a rider approaching," the runner shouted. "A rider approaches!"

You could never be too careful riding through the woods, hence sending scouts up ahead. The group paused in their riding waiting to see the nature of this approaching rider.

George heard clip-clops of the intruder's horse, they were getting closer. A few minutes later George had to blink a couple of times to make sure what he was seeing wasn't a mirage. But when he opened his eyes the shock of orange hair was really there.

He watched in bewilderment as Alanna rode directly towards him with shouts of "It's the Lady Knight," or "It is only the Baroness," flying about.

"Mommy!" Ailianne exclaimed, giggling. "We were coming to get you, but you came to get us first!"

Alanna smiled tenderly at her two year old daughter. Reaching them, Ailianne decided to jump from one saddle to the other. Alanna caught her, but barely, and she hugged her tight.

More shouts of "Mommy, mommy!" were heard and both George and Alanna turned to see Thom running towards them, with Alan trailing behind.

Both parents got out of the saddle and Alanna's legs were soon encircled by each of her sons. She laughed heartily at their antics all while George watched her in confusion.

She looked up at him to catch him staring and she smiled.

"You're here," he said simply.

"I am" she assured.

And that was that, she had made her decision.

* * *

So, that's about it for this chapter. I just have an epilogue left that will tie up loose ends. I'm sure I haven't made everyone happy with this ending, but I've made myself happy. It was the right ending for me and for this story. I was one of the people who was disappointed with the fact that Alanna and Jonathan did not end up together in the books, so that's why I started this story. But, as I wrote this story I realized that I couldn't mess with a good thing too much.

So, I'm expecting some flames, and that's all right by me. Let me know what you all think. Good, bad, neutral, I'll take it all.

Thanks to my reviewers: **Dreammergurl2007 **_(you're right, it's supposed to say Corus. I'll fix it in my future edits. Thanks for pointing it out!);_ **LadyKnight0207** _(hope you liked what happened); _**jayley**_ (you were right!);_ **brezzybrez; Grace** _(glad you're not appalled anymore, lol, hope this chapter answered some of your questions);_ and **SOPROL**.

Epilogue to come real soon!


	21. Chapter 21: Epilogue

**A/N:** Hey all! Well after 5 years of working on this story it's finally finished. I know, I can't believe it took me that long to finish this, but life happens. Anyways, thanks to all of you who have read this story over the years! Let me know what you think of this ending.

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Tamora Pierce.

**Epilogue:**

Alanna was dreading this. As she walked down the hallway to her King's study she felt every second of the walk. She never thought she'd dread seeing her best friend, but she did.

It had been a month since she had made her decision. When she'd met up with George and her family she had suggested they just turn back and go home. And that's where they'd been the past month. Just spending time together and reacquainting herself with the people she loved. Life lately had been good, simple, but good. And she realized that in her personal life she liked simple, even though she liked challenges in everything else.

The month of family time was devoid of Jonathan. Strangely, he had let her be. She had fully expected a demand for an explanation but nothing came. Not a single letter or word asking why she had chosen George over him. She wondered, briefly, how long he would leave her alone. She realized that she didn't want to find out.

Besides, duty called. As far as she knew, she was still the King's Champion. And she still had a job to do. And that was why she was knocking on her King's closed door. That and she was curious to see how life had gone for him.

"Come in," she heard Jonathan call.

She took a deep breath and pushed open the door.

"Oh," Jonathan gasped out. "It's you, Alanna."

She smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, it's me."

He stared at her in wonder for a minute before coming to his senses. "Well, come in, come in and sit down."

She did just that never taking her eyes off of him, taking the seat across from him. She didn't say a word though, suddenly unsure of even what to say.

"I didn't even know you were coming," he murmured.

"It was a last minute decision," she informed him.

"Oh, I see," he answered, nodding absently.

There was a palpable silence then, one that each desperately wanted to penetrate. They both spoke at the same time in their rush to cut through the silence.

"Jonathan—"

"Alanna—"

They both stopped talking and shared a laugh.

"You go first," Jonathan said kindly.

She let out a sigh. "I… I wanted to say I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "No, Alanna, you don't owe me an apology. You did what was right for you and your family. I understand."

"Maybe," she said unsurely. "But the way I did it. Just running off without a word to you. That wasn't right."

He didn't say anything to that.

"That's… that's what I'm sorry for. And for hurting you of course," she said awkwardly.

"I'm ok," he assured.

She stared at him, with him watching her. For once she could not read his deep blue eyes.

"Well…" she said trailing off. She stood up to go, turning her back on him.

"Why did you decide on George?" she heard him ask.

Alanna turned around to see hurt in those same blue eyes.

"Because… it was the only decision I could make. Because it was the right one. We had or chance Jonathan… and we blew it. I will always love you, but there are others to consider, not just us."

He nodded in understanding.

"You and Thayet?" she asked.

"Better, we're getting back there," he assured.

She nodded, happy to know that he wasn't miserable. "Good, good."

She turned to leave, but not before hearing Jonathan's last few words.

"I will always love you too."

* * *

Well that's it. I hope you've all enjoyed this story. I have, despite my bouts of writer's block, really liked writing it as well.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed: **SOPROL; Dreammergurl2007 _(_**_that's a nice way to look at flamers, thanks!);_ **Gnomie022** _(yeah I thought the exact same about the couples)_; **brezzybrez; and jayley**.

And thanks to anyone who has read this story and given it a chance.

I'll probably be back with another story in the Tortal universe sometime in the near future, but I'm thinking more in the Protector of the Small series. So look for that in the future.

See ya all!


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